Welcome back to One Time 4 Your Mind where we get you ready for the weekend with a rundown of the craziest/funniest stories out of D.C., and the important stuff you need to know for when you’re kickin’ it with friends, classmates, co-workers, or that cutie you met during the week. Let’s get right to it…
One Time 4 Your Mind: Rick Perry Gets Hammered, Throw Salt In Herman Cain’s Game And He’ll Sue
“I’m Getting What You Get For A Brick To Talk Greasy”:
This week, Republican presidential hopeful Herman Cain continued to show off his bizarre and tasteless sense of humor. Here are some of the most notable “jokes” Cain has made so far:
1. In October, Cain said in a speech in Tennessee that he’d be in favor of building a lethal electrified fence to keep illegal immigrants from Mexico out of the U.S.
“It’s going to be 20 feet high. It’s going to have barbed wire on the top. It’s going to be electrified. And there’s going to be a sign on the other side saying, ‘It will kill you — Warning.’”
Shortly after he backtracked and claimed he was only joking (then later on flipflopped again and said he’s “not walking away from that…” comment).
2. This week Herman Cain jokingly asked a reporter if Anita Hill, the woman who accused another high-profile conservative African-American – Supreme Court justice Clarence Thomas – of sexual harassment back in 1991, would endorse him.
3. Also this week, on Jimmy Kimmel Live, Herman carried Gloria Allred, the attorney for one of the women who has accused him of sexual harassment. When asked if he would hire her as his attorney he responded with “Let me put it this way — I can’t think of anything I would hire her to do.” I don’t even want to know what kinds of things he had in mind as jobs for her. Kimmel later asked Cain if he thought the other candidates should hire someone to accuse them of sexual harassment to get a bump in support like he did. Cain said “if they’re smart, they will.”
Herman “Sexual Harassment” Cain Cracking Jokes Like He’s On Def Comedy Jam (VIDEO)
4. Yesterday Cain, speaking to Tea Party members outside a Michigan diner, said “How you beat Obama? Beat him with a Cain!” Back in 1856, Massachusetts Senator Charles Sumner was beaten with a cane by South Carolina Congressman Preston Brooks on the Senate floor after an anti-slavery speech. Herman probably didn’t know that when he said it, but images of a brother getting hit with a cane had to at least make him think of the television series Roots or something right? The crowd cheered him, by the way.
Cain is still doing okay in recent polling despite all of these comments and he actually saw an increase in fundraising for his campaign when the sexual harassment news dropped. Republicans in the audience at the latest Republican debate even booed the moderator just for bringing up the allegations! How long will Republican voters let Cain off the hook? Even if the media actually did have it out for Cain, the fact remains that two women were paid tens of thousands of dollars, a full year’s salary, just to keep quiet about his alleged behavior. And based on how he handled the situation you just know he did something shady to those women. It’s unreal. He’s become another Sarah Palin: someone without any substance who the most die-hard Republicans will support simply because they think Democrats are “afraid” of him. That’s a win for Democrats and for The Daily Show, SNL, comedians and writers everywhere.
The Republican voters who support candidates like Herman Cain and Sarah Palin remind me of that friend who only seems to date crazy people. He or she gets caught up in the moment and is convinced that they’ve found “the one”, ignoring the fact that they’ve only known the person for a short time and know little about them. As the days go by, warning signs pop up (sexual harassment accusations, spotted shooting wolves from helicopters). The friend brushes them off, and when you and your buddies point out that the girl/boyfriend is nuts you’re called haters (media). It ends in disaster, time goes by, and your friend does it all over again.
The other big story this week was Rick Perry’s performance in the latest Republican debate. After fumbling over words and coming off like a fool in previous debates this was his chance to change everyone’s opinion of him. So how did he do? Check it out below:
Since he now has zero percent chance of ever being President, we should cut him some slack. Who hasn’t frozen up or gotten nervous in front of a crowd? His campaign has tried to spin it as a “human moment” that shows he’s more likeable and trustworthy than frontrunner robot Mitt Romney. You’d think that after seeing all the “humanity” brought by Perry and Cain over the past month Republican voters would be happy to root for the boring guy in a suit.
Oops! Rick Perry Can’t Remember Sh*t At The Republican Presidential Debate (DETAILS)
Mike Tyson Is Herman Cain:
We end this week with another ridiculous video from Mike Tyson for Funny Or Die. Tyson, dressed as Herman, shows the real Cain what it takes to be funny by singing his own version of “Imagine There’s No Pizza”.
Keep it here next week for the latest news in politics, minus the B.S.
