Dear world, mother-lovers are eating people’s faces, brains and private parts. It’s pretty safe to say that we have entered the Zombie Apocalypse.
DETAILS: Zombie Apocalypse! 411 On Bath Salt Drugs
In the age of Zombieland and The Walking Dead, these geeks are hungry for flesh. All this comes under the ominous cloud of the world ending in December, so people are legitimately wondering, how do they survive the zombie uprising?!
STORY: How To Prevent Another Miami Zombie Attack
We don’t know about y’all, but the last thing we are trying to do is let a crazed zombie geek chomp on our body parts for a midnight snack.
So we’ve come up with 5 rules to surviving the zombie apocalypse.
Don’t Drink Alone Under Bridges: Imagine if you have to escape a herd of walkers. Now imagine trying to do that drunk? Beside they’ve never built a bridge under anything important or worthy of hanging out at. When was the last time they’ve built a bridge over a museum, school or church – you know, places that would actually keep you safe?
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Smear Zombie Guts All Over Your Body! Sure it sounds disgusting, but when was the last time you heard of a zombie eating another zombie? No, those guys taste disgusting. Stop washing your butt crack and you’ll survive a long time. Who cares if you reek of dead people eaters?
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Switch To Direct TV: When you got cable, you get upset. When you get upset, you take a hot bath. When you take a hot bath, you think snorting bath salts is a good idea. When you think snorting bath salts is a good idea, you end up naked under a bridge eating someone’s face and private parts. Don’t eat someone’s face and private parts … switch to Direct TV.
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Hang Around Lil B Fans: It’s common knowledge in all zombie flicks that if you want to survive you keep dumb people around you. These are the people who like to ask, “Why is everyone running?” “What was that sound?” You know, stuff like that. Keep them close so when the zombies do attack, you can say this is the will of the based god. Survival at all costs!
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Walk Around With A Sword and 2 Zombies With Their Jaw Cut Off.
The Walking Dead is the ultimate survival tool for how to survive in a world full of walkers. Since people are eating people alive and snatching babies and trying to eat their arms, what better way to survive than to study the zombie bible on TV? There is a character named Mishone who walks around with her zombified ex-boyfriend and his friend on chains, after she cut off their arms and jaws, of course. She also carries around a large katana because guns attack more zombies and run out of bullets. Can’t go wrong with a blade.
