Bath Salts, LPQ-79, Miami Man Eats Face and the Zombie Virus are the new weapons of mass destruction. Over the past few weeks we’ve been witness to numerous cannibalistic behaviors from people across the country, triggering thoughts that there just might be a “Zombie Apocalypse.”
First came Miami and the case of Rudy Eugene, the 30-year-old man, allegedly high on LSD, who was shot and killed by police after they discovered he was eating the face and brains of a 65-year-old homeless man.
In San Antonio, a mother beheaded her infant son on orders from “the devil” and reportedly ate a portion of his brain and three of his toes.
In New Jersey, a man stabbed himself 50 times and threw bits of his own intestines at police, with witnesses saying he acted like a zombie.
These incidents are horrifying and shouldn’t be made light of considering that they involve real people and places, but the nature of these crimes continue to fuel the theory that it might be a zombie apocalypse brewing!
The thing is, the cannibal stories we’ve been reading about are the definition of art imitating life. From Mary Shelley’s 1818 publication of Frankenstein, to AMC’s hit series The Walking Dead, we are witnessing first hand what it’s like to live in a zombie society, so to speak.
The script is written, people are behaving like zombies and the government is denying that there’s a zombie conspiracy.
On Friday, Center of Disease Control spokesman David Daigle said in an email:
“CDC does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead…or one that would present zombie-like symptoms.”
Does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead? You’d think a spokesman for the CDC would have more of an affirmation about the walking dead and have a clear stance on the matter!
After all, zombies look like us, but they’re the undead who slowly rot and survive by feasting on the living, while at the same time turning others into zombies.
With the CDC’s statements and the ongoing cannibalistic stories popping up in the news, maybe there is a “Zombie Apocalypse” coming to a town near you. If there is, here are the signs…
Waiting on line days on end for Kanye West’s new sneakers, the Air Yeezy II and spending upwards of $225, you must be a zombie. Fans are waiting on line, not showering and focused on one thing: sounds like zombie behavior to us.
If they can bring back Tupac in hologram form, then why can’t there be a “Zombie Apocalypse”?
Drugs are getting stronger, more so than they’ve ever been. Rudy Eugene was allegedly high on a stronger potent form of LSD known as “Bath Salts,” which made him eat the face and brain of a homeless drifter, while naked.
Zombies have to be real if the Kardashians are covering Biggie’s “Hypnotized.” What’s next, “Machine Gun Funk”? Only in a zombie world would this happen. Wake up people, they’re coming…
With the onslaught of supernatural TV shows that focus on the undead, i.e. True Blood and The Walking Dead, it’s no wonder a “Zombie Apocalypse” is imminent.
Zombies have infiltrated the NBA. Case and point: Miami Heat forward Chris Bosh makes this face during the Heat playoff game as they took on the Boston Celtics. It looks like Bosh just ate some bad brain.
Because there are still birthers, Donald Trump, and Tea Party folk who honestly believe that Barack Obama is not an American. Those people are zombies fo’real.
Seriously, if “Tanning Mom” Patricia Krentci isn’t a zombie, then she must be from outer space.
If the iPhone Siri can come to life and give us directions, suggestions, music, and even some words of wisdom, then why can’t the un-dead rise from the graves and eat our brains? Zombies are real and they’re out there.
Former Vice President Dick Cheney has to be a zombie. Dude had five heart attacks since the age of 37 and most recently as of March of 2012, had a heart transplant. He goes through hearts like Kim Kardashian goes through men!