Subscribe
The Daily Grind Video
CLOSE

I didn’t see this one coming. Last week, Ms. Peris Pesi Tobiko did the unthinkable. Defying cultural and gender challenges, she became the first Masai woman to be elected MP after she won the Kajiado East constituency in Kenya on Wednesday.

What made her story even more amazing was not the fact that she beat seven other contenders to win the top spot, but the scrutiny she faced on her journey to victory. Displaying an insurmountable amount of courage, she pushed forward despite being “cursed” at one point by Masai seniors. The elders stated that it was against tradition for women to eye leadership positions and even took it a step further by threatening to put a curse on anyone who supported her bid.

I say this with all due respect to the elders but um, that is some ignorant mess. Of course I realize that they had their reasons for their viewpoint, but really? I mean, really? Can we call a spade a spade for a second? How is it that in 2013 we are still having conversations about womenfolk’s inability to lead in African societies? Unsurprisingly, this is patriarchy at its best.

African culture from a continent point of view is such an interesting juxtaposition of ideas and practices. On one hand there are some exercises that may have made a lot of sense back in the day and may even apply in today’s world, but then on the opposing end of that view, there are other ideas that frankly need to be tossed ASAP.

Case in point? While most 8-year-olds are eagerly helping to plan their birthday parties, 8-year-old Sanile Masilela in South Africa was involved in a different type of party extravaganza. The prepubescent child got married to a 61-year-old woman recently because get this – it was his dead grandfather’s wish. When Sandile kissed the mother of five on the lips, I thought to myself, this is what insanity looks like. In some parts of Nigeria there is a practice called genital testing where young girls are pushed to do the unfathomable. They are forced to lay down on a hard mattress and have their own mothers stick fingers in their vaginas in a series of demeaning tests meant to verify virginity. Horrific, right? It literally makes me sick to my stomach!

Even the most staunch traditionalist should be at the very least shocked by the aforementioned acts.

So since we are all friends here, let me let you in on a secret. There is one tradition that I particularly struggle with. In my Zimbabwean culture, we have a practice called lobola. It’s a custom where the man pays the family of his prospective bride for her hand in marriage. The sole purpose of this ritual is supposed to bring the two families together and let some people tell it – show that the man can help take care of his bride. Back in the day it used to be settled with cattle, but these days it’s usually paid in cold hard cash. 

Things that make you go hmmm….

I love my culture, but I’m not 100% sold on this “bride price.” It’s hard for me to wrap my mind around the idea of my partner having to pay for my hand in marriage. With all the costs associated with wedding/marriage, shouldn’t our spare coins be used on building our future together?

But because I value you, my life and not to mention my sanity, when the time comes I probably will have my partner pay lobola. Frankly, the backlash from my family isn’t worth the one time act. Does that make me a hypocrite to some folks? Maybe. But am I hurting myself or anyone else for that matter by having my partner pay a dowry? No. So while I am against polygamy, genital mutilation, witchcraft or a myriad of other extreme cultural practices, I do believe there is a happy medium. Shouldn’t we at least determine their sustainability in our new Afro-politan society? What do you think? Are there certain cultural practices that you think we should ditch? 

Makho Ndlovu is a Zimbabwean born celebrity reporter and blogger based in New York City. You can follow her @MakhoNdlovu. To learn more about her, check out her personal blog Makho-Ndlovu.blogspot.com