OK, let’s talk Summer Jam.
I went last night. This one was supposed to be special because it was the 20th anniversary of the event. But, honestly, it felt like any other Summer Jam to me. You see, this isn’t my first rodeo; I legit lost count of how many Summer Jams I’ve been to. (And that’s no humble brag, or brag, brag. You would know that if you went to one of these things.)
One of my many talents in life is eyeing the funny moments in all situations. I love doing this at Summer Jam.
Case in point: I remember 2008, which was the year of Lil Wayne.
The moment I remember most was when a shirtless Ace Hood came out swinging his dreads. The crowd went nuts. Then they saw it wasn’t Wayne, but Khaled’s lil’ buddy. Silence.
So when it came to Summer Jam XX, I didn’t want to write about the so-called epic special guests (it was cool seeing Lil Kim come out and perform “Queen Bitch” and Rick Ross and Lil Wayne coming out for “Pop That.” All the other guests were just blah to me.) Nah.
I wanna talk about the awkward, funny moments. You cool with that?
OK. Let’s roll.
1. The hours and hours of rap at the Festival Village Stage
(PHOTO SOURCE: Getty)
Listen, man: I love me some rap — been a fan since I was a youngin’ listening to the Purple Tape. But, holy sh*t, were there a lotta rappers and bars at the festival before the show. Me and my partner got at the little stage at 2PM. The stadium didn’t open until six. So we had to consume four hours of rap. The thing is, I like a lotta these dudes, from Bodega BAMZ to A$AP Ferg to Action Bronson. But this was just too many bars for me. (And the crowd agreed, also.)
By five I needed to hear a chorus, and it needed it to be sung in Auto-Tune.
To make matters worse, in between sets there were these 106 & Park-style battles from dudes I never heard from. Some rapper with a name like I Wear Gucci would say lines like “yo, I’ll kill you like the morgue” or “you look like a broke *insert MMG rapper here.*”
It was bad.
There was a highlight, however:
2. Teyana Taylor’s cameo
During his set, Ferg premiered a new song where he talked about sucking on Teyana Taylor’s titty.
Woorrrd?
That’s a good look for Ferg. He don’t even have an album out yet.
3. Wale putting people to sleep, Meek waking them back up
Even a Nigerian will admit that Wale doesn’t have music appropriate for Summer Jam: His sh*t is too spoken-word-poetry-like. So the crowd was turnt the f*ck down during his set, which included performances of sleepy songs like “Bad.” But then they turned that sh*t off and those pianos from Meek Mill’s “Intro (Dreams and Nightmares)” came on:
Wale and his dreds just watched from the sideline.
4. Fabolous getting Ninja’d for the mic
Fabolous was actually doing pretty well during his set, I thought. He already did that song with Chris Brown and he brought out Lil Kim, who looked like she came straight from the grave.
But they only gave him like 10 minutes, and it was clear they were rushing a visibly upset Fab off the stage. Like, “yo, we love you, Fab, but we need room for 2 Chainz, my nig.” (2 Chainz killed it later on in the night, BTW, so I wasn’t complaining.)
5. Seeing the crowd trying to figure what a Wu-Tang was, and why these old men were on the stage rapping
Big mistake, Summer Jam. You can’t play “Started From the Bottom” 23 hours out of the day and expect them to know about “Incarcerated Scarfaces” and sh*t. The crowd died during the Wu’s set, which felt like it went on for an hour. And the entire Wu, still thinking it was ’95, were noticeably upset. (Advice for Wu-Tang: unless it’s a venue in Staten Island, don’t let Masta Killah and U God rap their mathematical raps on stage.) The crowd was turnt down. And I was sad, cause I’m from that era. Let’s hope next year they just skip the old acts, and pay Young Scooter’s bond.
6. What I just wrote for Wu Tang, ditto for Bone Thugs-N-Harmony.
Yo, Summer Jam crowd, ya’ll don’t know “Thuggish Ruggish Bone?” Come on, maaaan.
7. A$AP Rocky getting booed because he was late
Rocky, I love you, man: but this ain’t SOB’s. Be on time, brother. This crowd worked too hard to spend $35 dollars on seats to then sneak their way up to the front for you to be late, my friend.
8. Thinking Jay-Z and Beyonce were gonna come out because I saw backstage pics of the two on Twitter
Yo, I got so gassed. I already knew how it was going to happen. Jay was going to come out with Kendrick and do the “Bitch, Don’t Kill My Vibe” remix, which would transition to Beyonce performing “Bow Down,” making those Super Bowl faces.
But nah.
Nothing.
*Tears*
9. Papoose, Papoose
Papoose performing on Summer Jam last night is my new number one fave Summer Jam moment of all time. (And I saw Michael Jackson, people!)
So here’s how it went down: Kendrick leaves the stage, some other music comes on and some brolic dude with a fitted hat and his hype man hit the stage.
My partner asks me who that is and I start sweating: cause I’m supposed to know everything about rap, right? And I don’t know who the f*ck this dude was.
She tells me, “I think it’s Papoose.” And I’m like “nah, it can’t be.” Then he started yelling “Free Remy.”
It was Papoose! My only regret: I had no battery left on my phone, so I couldn’t even enjoy Twitter. (Eff you, Apple).
10. French’s mic gets cut
French Montana was the last act of the night. I was worried. It was, like, 11:21, and I know this thang gotta rap by 11:30, and that’s not really enough time to get wavy. (It’s understandable, too: at 11:45 the ratchets turn into something even scarier).
So French runs through his set, doing “Ima Coke Boy” and “Pop That,” which featured Ross and Wayne.
Then the beat for “Ain’t Worried About Nothin’” drops and the crowd goes nuts, singing along…then — abrupt finish. And a woman’s voice saying “thank you for coming to Hot 97’s Summer Jam” rang though the speakers as the lights went on.
Meanwhile, we were still waiting for Jay and Bey.
Photo Source: Pete Monsanto for Fly Life Images.
