While I can admit, clouded by tainted views of the movie industry today, that Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker is not a cinematically great film in retrospect, that isn’t going to stop me from declaring that it was one of the best movies of all damn time! I didn’t quite have the skills to pick apart the loose plot lines that tied the music video movie together as a child, and Michael Jackson wasn’t the best with speaking roles, but watching MJ perform on VHS loop was enough to solidify an addiction to Moonwalker.
Before the days of paparazzi, and oversaturation of celebrity through the Internet, there was something worth reveling in every single time you got to see Michael Jackson dance his way out of danger and save orphan children from a street life of doom. Sometimes getting that fix meant watching Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker every single day.
If you aren’t familiar with the worst best movie of all time, Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker is a series of music videos (or short films) strung together with a loose plot that surrounds Michael’s quest to protect three orphans after a Frisbee throw in the park takes a dark turn. Scrutinize it and it will fall apart, but I will forever remain obsessed.
Does all of this sound familiar? If it does, here are a few signs that you, too, may be bordering on obsession when it comes to the best worst movie of all time.
1. The moment someone brings up the movie, you’re all like:
Because that means they are your soulmate, correct? Correct.
2. But if someone tells you they haven’t seen the film, you have to ask them to “come again.”
They couldn’t possibly be serious about not ever experiencing the magical journey that we humbly call Moonwalker.
3. You could do the Kids Smooth Criminal choreography with your eyes closed.
But could never get over the guilt of doing it in front of your TV while the movie’s orphans had to polish their skills in the ally outside an underground bar.
4. The first time you saw the claymation big heads chasing Michael, you were all like:
and yes, you still feel like that to this very day! Toy Story has nothing on that animation.
5. When all you need is a glimpse at this:
and you get all like this:
We can all admit, this was MJ in his hey-day and he was quite dreamy in that suit!
6. If your reaction to Michael stepping into a spider-ridden dimension, where you just knew he was in danger, made you feel like this:
because he was going to ruin his perfectly pressed woven button down and the white V-neck under it.
7. And if your reaction was something like this when Katie goes missing, and all that is left behind is her Teddy…even though you already know she’ll be returned unscathed (because you’ve watched it 2,000 times).
We just can’t be sure what type of PTS she could experience once the gravity of the event sets in!
8. If just one look at this makes your heart flutter with anticipation for the inevitable cinematically dramatic machine gun shooting scene:
like, how did he master that lean?
9. But most definitively, you know you are a Moonwalker addict if you finished reading this post and feel like:
Somebody finally gets you.
*All gifs credit of giphy.com