No Guns Up In Here…And 16 Other Reasons We Appreciate Starbucks

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    Starbucks Gif

    Starbucks did something this week that made us love them even more. And we weren’t even aware that was possible.

    No, no, they didn’t create a larger size.

    But they did tell gun advocates who were abusing Starbucks policy to push their own political agenda to have several seats. Or no seats at all, depending on how you look at it.

    Basically, CEO Howard Schultz told gun owners that if they want this season’s pumpkin spice latte, then they better leave the firearms at home. Number one, it’s not cool. Number two, it’s dangerous. And number three, something about caffeine and a bunch of NRA members twirling their guns while we sit around drinking our Tazo teas just doesn’t sound right.

    Anyway, since the gun-advocates’ Starbucks Appreciation Day failed, we thought we’d give it a try…and tell our favorite place in the world why we love them so.

    And stop lying. You’re super hype to see if your favorite drink made it. So here they are.

    First and foremost, because…

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    And because they made Starbucks a gun-free zone…(Though we’re still waiting on that official gun-ban, Mr. Schultz).

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    Two words: Seasonal. Drinks.

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    The drinks make us do this every time we get one, even though we buy about 67 seasonal lattes before they go out of style:

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    FRAP-PU-FUCKING-CCINO!

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    And no matter how many times we go there, we’re super impressed with the ENDLESS combinations of fancy drinks we just HAVE to try…

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    Because we love the baristas who give us life every morning, even though they never spell our names right…

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    “My name is Kelsey but yep, maybe I was saying it wrong.” Doesn’t matter, they still make everything right in this world.

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    The tasty little treasures in the glass casing…

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    Like any of the goddamn pumpkin loaves or lemon pound cake that are as light as clouds and taste like the sun…

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    Because this is better than any porn we have ever watched…

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    Because of extra shots…always extra shots…

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    And because they completely understand that getting out the car is a waste of time…

    Drive-Through and Walk-Up Starbucks Shop in Illinois

    Because someone is there who always understands my dietary restrictions and doesn’t get all “but why can’t you drink this” on me…

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    And when I want something refreshing, they are always there to the rescue…

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    And because anything with the word caramel or macchiato is probably a gift from the gods…

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    So at the end of the day when someone asks me if I want Starbucks and I’m all like…

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    I’m still totally devoted. And will probably do this as soon as I walk into the most sacred place in these ‘Mericas…

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    Thank you Starbucks, for your service to this great nation.

    PHOTO CREDIT: Giphy, Getty, Tumblr, Instagram

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