If you head to Rotten Tomatoes and check out I’m In Love With A Church Girl, you’ll see the movie has a positive rating of zero percent, meaning that not one movie critic thought the film was worthy of watching.
That’s pretty fucking amazing.
The movie stars Adrienne Bailon, Ja Rule and a bunch of other actors who are going through some hard times right now.
(Poor Michael Madison; son used to be so cool).
The movie’s premise is interesting: Ja Rule is a drug dealer, who has lot of money and fly shit. All he needs is a good girl, which is where Adrienne Bailon comes in. She is a church girl who wants the rapper to repent. (Shockingly, Tyler Perry didn’t direct this).
The movie has been completely destroyed by critics, however, Ja Rule has been spared.
Ja must have paid extra attention in his acting classes in the bing, ’cause critics don’t hate his performance. (The Seattle Times said he was good).
Good for him, because rappers-turned-actors suck, man. They suck so much that it’s often funny. So we decided to find the best of the worst.
Here’s 10 rappers who should have gotten an Oscar for their acting (but not really, though).
Beanie Sigel in State Property (2002)
The film State Property was just an excuse to introduce the world (snickers) to his crew of criminals-turned-rappers: Young Chris, Young Neef, Oschino, Omillio Sparks and the rest of State Property all appear. Beanie Sigel, playing a super gangster, is the star, however, and he has quite the temper, as you can see in the “WHICH HAND YOU ROLL UP WITH, B” scene above.
Nas in Belly (1998)
The first three minutes of Belly are fucking amazing. It features DMX, Nas and bunch of dudes robbing and shooting some shit in super slow motion while that “Soul 2 Soul” plays in the background:
All that blue and shit? Fucking fire, man. The movie goes downhill from there, and it starts the minute Nas starts talking. The scene above is particularly memorable for its terribleness: Dudes try to kill Nas after he gets a haircut, while AZ leaves your boy hanging.
(Kinda related, but not really: During the whole Jay Z and Nas beef, Freeway released a super fire Nas diss called “Ya’ll Get Out.” That song has the all-time great line “hit you then hit your barber.”)
The entire Cash Money Millionaire clique in Baller Blockin’ (2000)
It’s like these dudes got together and said “Ay, woadie let’s make this shit extra violent, youheardme?” The fucking scene above features a dude getting a headshot, for fuck’s sake.
50 Cent in Before I Self Destruct (2009)
Spoiler alert: 50 Cent dies in Before I Self Destruct. And never has an actor died this well on screen. If Wallace in The Wire getting it made you sad, pst, don’t even watch Before I Self Destruct, man.
Prodigy in Murda Muzik (2004)
Mobb Deep shot their terrible hood movie in 1999. However, it didn’t drop until 2004, which is an amazing delay, even by rappers-being-late-for-shit standards. We’re not sure why it took so long either. Maybe Big Noyd is just a really slow editor? *Shrugs*
Jay Z Streets is Watching (1998)
We’re not going to lie, the Streets is Watching movie is kind of cool: instead of just making a horrible, fake gangsta movie, Jay made a fake gangsta movie that intertwined a bunch of videos from songs off of Reasonable Doubt and In My Lifetime Vol 1.
Still, while it’s not terrible, we’re pretty sure Jay doesn’t show this off whenever Gwyneth and Apple spend the night.
(Sidenote: Never forget Jay rocking the bulletproof vest in the “Streets is Watching” video, looking bauce and ish).
Fat Joe in Thicker Than Water (1999)
Thicker Than Water features every B-list legendary rapper you could think of: Mack 10, Fat Joe, Ice Cube and MC Eiht all star. The movie is a just a masterpiece of senseless violence. Like, really, this shit is Grand Theft Auto, without the good music.
Master P I’m Bout It (1997)
Master P made a million of these terrible straight-to-DVD movies and they were all basically the same shit: P hustling, and every once in a while he had to shoot a muthafucka. Still, give the man his props: he basically birthed this shit.
Fabolous in Loso’s Way (2009)
Back when labels were still giving out budgets, Def Jam let Fabolous make a concept album. They also let him make a movie to go along with the album. Thankfully, labels don’t do things like this anymore.
Cam’ron in Killa Season
A fucking masterpiece. The Illmatic of shitty hood movies. In 2006, Killa Season, which Cam’ron wrote, directed and starred in, hit the streets. The shit was so big in Harlem that it sold out in bootleg spots. We can tell you all the things that make the movie the masterpiece it is, or you can just watch the clip of Cam’ron spitting on a little girl and you’ll see what we’re talking about.
1. JuJu and Cam'ron posted up on the block.
2. JuJu showing off the Entenmann's.
3. Cam'ron doing business meetings in his pajamas nowadays.
4. When he posted this pic on his Instagram, Cam wrote: "bustin one, sittin on da di#% (nh while da water hits da clitoris. Made her say hollauah!! 💦 Lol"
5. Your girl JuJu rocking the Daisy Duke shorts.
6. JuJu showing off her beautiful smile.
7. Nice scenery.
8. Another day on the beach.
9. This looks like a Corona ad.
11. They can't get their hands off of each other.
12. Always repping the 'Set.
13. JuJu and the awesome Miss Info kicking it.
14. That Mac is going to overheat.
15. JuJu looking through Straight Stunting. Cam'ron trying to get a threesome going.
16. Perfect dress.
17. We're not sure what's happening here.
19. Always reppin' Harlem. R.I.P. Big L.
20. Red bottoms; pink Foams.
21. Pour it up, pour it up.
22. JuJu and Cam'ron saggin' in public.
23. JuJu kicking it in L.A.
24. JuJu showing off her cake'ums.
25. We wonder if there's toys in there?
26. "We gettin' money, ninnnnja!"
27. JuJu looks great in red.
28. JuJu and Cam'ron dirty dancing.
29. Black and pink socks FTW.
30. We'll take those in a size 12, please.
31. The new Jay and Bey?
32. Don't leeeaave, JuJu.
PHOTO SOURCE: Fader