It’s almost Halloween and the scariest thing on the block isn’t a movie about the zombie apocalypse. It’s politics and the 113th Congress.
For starters, our country was on the brink of financial collapse. The Republicans were holding us hostage and not giving us our paychecks. It was hurricane season and NOAA employees were furloughed. There was a salmonella breakout and the CDC had their hands tied. Student loan payments were late and Sallie Mae gave zero fucks and still blew up our telephones.
They called all of this a government shutdown and that alone conjured up images of other countries storming in to take over because, hello, no one was allowed to work.
It’s been a scary October. But nothing is scarier than the glitter of politicians…the one that we just can’t seem to get rid of.
Senator Ted Cruz (R-Tex).
In recent weeks, the Tea Party favorite has been making his rounds in the media, dabbling in treason by using the credit worthiness of the U.S. to play petty games, refusing to even try Obamacare, faking filibusters and being a total diva over any and everything.
Look, even Republicans think he’s scary (via the Daily Beast):
Sen. Bob Corker called him “confused.” Karl Rove noted that, “His fellow senators don’t know where he is coming from.” And Republican congressman Peter King—a man known for his warmth and compassion—made it clear that what Cruz is doing is “a form of governmental terrorism.”
But that’s not even scratching the surface. The guy is a total nightmare. Here’s why:
He took the fun out of Green Eggs and Ham for all of us…
He made this face…
Ted isn’t even his real name. It’s Rafael Edward. Which means he’s an impostor. STRANGER DANGER!
He sometimes sits in Congress and peeks at people like this (because that’s not creepy at all, Ted Cruz…)
And he freaks the kids out…
He’s a liar…
He’ll eclipse your whole picture in a photo bomb and it won’t even be funny…just creepy…
And he clearly gives no fucks and has said he isn’t above shutting down the government again…
When he’s stressed, he makes this scary face…
And take it from the Huffington Post…this Businessweek cover will haunt your dreams…
If you walk too close to him by accident, he’ll shoot you this terrifying look…
He said this: “I would do anything, and I will continue to do anything, to stop the train wreck that is Obamacare.” Which clearly indicates he is not here for the health of all Americans…
(again…no fucks given)
And he likes guns…
This face makes a perfect Halloween mask for 2013…
And he breaks the rules…
And even his Republican friends are turning on him…which means he’s the worst of their kind…
(shudders)
And at the end of the day, he and Miley Cyrus alone could be the downfall of this nation. Which is enough to give us all nightmares…
Yep. The man is terrifying. Now tell me The Misadventures Of Senator Cruz wouldn’t make one hell of a scary movie this year. I think we’re on to something here…
PHOTO CREDIT: Getty, Giphy
