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Sub-Zero Temperatures Put Chicago Into Deep Freeze

Whoever said global warming isn’t real was a goddamn lie.

After experiencing some majorly high temperatures this winter, the chill is finally arriving. And Mother Nature is making sure that this blast of arctic air making its way across America is going to really kick our ass.

Reportedly, the cold front, also dubbed a polar vortex, making its way through the midwest and to the east coast are some of the coldest temperatures we’ve felt in 20 years. Chicago schools (which never close for snowy weather) will close for the second day in a row. More than 3,700 flights were grounded as of Monday. And 27 states are under warnings or watches for severe wind chill (we’re talking 40 below).

It’s serious guys. This lady in Detroit had to ski to work.

Detroit Deals With Heavy Snow And Bitter Cold

This guy’s glasses froze in Chicago.

Sub-Zero Temperatures Put Chicago Into Deep Freeze

And this boat is dangerously making its way through icy waters in the Great Lakes somewhere.

Detroit Deals With Heavy Snow And Bitter Cold

But on a serious note, the cold winds are to blame for at least 16 deaths, according to the BBC.

And just to give you an idea of how cold it really is, get this — this polar vortex is essentially an arctic cyclone that pushes North Pole wind south. So…thanks Santa.

Let me break it down to you. If you go outside for minutes — seconds even — without properly bundling up, you risk freezing. Like, in real life. So play games if you want. Not to scare you or anything, but the weather is pretty extreme.

But no worries, we’ve got some basic tips for you to survive the next few days under this ungodly weather.

Bundle Up If You Must Go Out


In a mini shearling coat if you have one. This monkey has life figured out.

Turn Up The Heat


And just cry about it later when that Pepco or Con Edison bill comes in.

Pile On The Blankets


If turning up the heat and risking a $320 bill is not an option. Bonus points for making a blanket fort.

Soup. And Lots Of It

Surprise all your friends who thought soup was never an option for someone who only eats Chipotle burrito bowls with two salad dressings. No black beans please.

Netflix (If You’re Stuck At Home)


Because your boyfriend didn’t wait for you to watch the last episode of Orange Is The New Black. This polar vortex is payback. House of Cards here we come.

Cuddles…& Other Thangs


The benefits are endless. Trust.



Because like the whales, we needs the blubber to keep warm.

Science Experiments

Because this shit never gets old if you’re suffering from cabin fever.

Rekindling That Flame With Your Bed


How do you think bears in Siberia get through arctic winters? Hibernation my dude. Wait, are there bears in Siberia?



Because the cold will fuck up some skin. Stay supple…unless you want to be him…


And If You Can Prevent It…Don’t…






Duh. You’ve Been Warned


PHOTO CREDIT: Getty, Giphy

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