Today in “Stories From Florida,” we have two vehicular tales that are both too ridiculous to believe and an absurd KKK membership sign. Oh Florida.
First up, Michael Moore, a 61-year-old Floridian who was pulled over for a DUI last month (and also for speeding 18 miles over the limit on U.S. 1).
When cops questioned him, he had a damn good reason for driving drunk — he was trying to drive the drunk off….duh!
He told one officer he was coming from home and had “a couple” of drinks. He said he was en route to a bar for “a few” more.
Moore told another officer he got in an argument with his wife and left for a drive.
“He also told me that his wife told him that he (had) been drinking too much so he decided to go out and ‘drive it off,’” an arrest affidavit states.
Reportedly, the inebriated speed demon blew a .103 and .104 on a field test for blood-alcohol content, which is well over the state limit. He was released later on a $500 bond. But there’s no word if his cure for a drunken state worked. We’re assuming it didn’t.
In another part of Florida, a 16-year-old boy stole a pickup truck and made quite a commotion when he caused 23 vehicle accidents before finally crashing on the Cortez Bridge.
Like, seriously kid?
Francisco Sanchez Ibarra, a runaway from Arcadia, ditched his bike when he spotted a red Ford F350 truck that had just been dropped off at Tint Shark, 4235 60th St. W., according to the sheriff’s office.
Ibarra hopped into the truck and drove west on Cortez Road.
“The owner was there to get his windows tinted and his vehicle was parked there ready be worked on,” said Dave Bristow, a sheriff’s office spokesman.
Here’s what happened next:
“Deputies pursued the truck over the Cortez Bridge into Bradenton Beach. The suspect vehicle turned right on Gulf Drive and headed north to Manatee Avenue West. The truck turned right on Manatee Avenue in Holmes Beach and headed east back into Bradenton.”
The pursuit was reportedly called off on the Manatee Avenue Bridge near the causeway when the truck started veering into oncoming traffic. The MCSO helicopter kept surveillance on the truck, which continued east on Manatee Avenue to 43rd Street West, and the chase soon resumed.
The chase finally ended when he caught flat tires from stop sticks. Ibarra was then promptly arrested by Bradenton Beach police, according to the sheriff’s office.
No one was seriously hurt in the crashes, but one woman was taken to the hospital.
And rumor has it, the kid was sober. Which means we can “rule alcohol out” of both Moore and Ibarra’s stories and make an educated guess on the cause of their actions.
The air down there, maybe?
Oh. And this happened too. But we just…we can’t.
Florida, you’re a special one.