Today in “Stories from Florida,” we have a man who first sued Apple for selling him a computer that aided in his addiction to porn, and now wants to marry said porn-filled computer. We also have a congressional candidate who is accused of plagiarizing the current congressman.
We can’t make this stuff up.
Holy Matrimony:
Mark “Chris” Sevier (pictured above) is an interesting fellow. For one, he loves porn. He also loves lawsuits. And so, to somehow justify his porn addiction, he filed a lawsuit against Apple for selling him a computer that gave him the addiction.
Because… Florida. But it gets even better. Sevier, who obviously loves porn, now wants to marry it.. .on his computer. Problem is, Florida isn’t letting him. Enter yet another lawsuit.
In the 24-page document, Sevier says that if gay couples “have the right to marry their object of sexual desire, even if they lack corresponding sexual parts, then I should have the right to marry my preferred sexual object.”
“My porn filled Apple computer,” according to Sevier’s filing.
Recently, I purchased an Apple computer. The computer was sold to me without filters to block out pornography. I was not provided with any warning by Apple that pornography was highly addictive and could alter my reward cycle by the manufacturer. Over time, I began preferring sex with my computer over sex with real women. Naturally, I ‘fell in love’ with my computer and preferred having sex with it over all other persons or things, as a result of classic conditioning upon orgasm.
But this may all be a part of Sevier’s plan. The “porn addict” has been very vocal about his anti-gay marriage position. And if his love for lawsuits is any indication, he’s not done yet.
If Florida won’t let him get hitched to a computer, maybe another state will. He’s currently attempting to intervene in Utah’s battle over a state constitutional amendment banning gay marriage.
“Those of us whose sexual orientation has been classically conditioned upon orgasm through the straight forward science of dopamine to prefer sex with inanimate objects and animals do not have public support, like the gays, so we are especially vulnerable here,” he wrote in a 50 page brief.
Read about it here…[Gawker, BrowardPalmBeach]
What’s Yours Is Mine:
A congressional candidate in Florida has the game all wrong…or right, depending on how you look at politics.
Corry Westbrook, a Democratic candidate for Congress in Florida’s 8th Congressional district, has been accused of plagiarism after it was discovered her “on the issues” page was quite similar to that of current Florida Democratic Rep. Patrick Murphy’s 2012 campaign.
Westbrook is currently in a primary race to take on incumbent Republican Rep. Bill Posey.
Here’s one example of the…er…similarities:
Here’s Murphy:
We need to create an environment conducive to business growth and make sure the necessary resources to drive that growth are present, including readily available lending, stable currency, relief from the bureaucratic barriers to entry for small businesses, and stable energy costs.
Job creation doesn’t only entail pushing resources where they’re needed. It also means removing some of the bureaucratic barriers to business growth, simplifying tax codes and easing the path to existing grants.
And here’s Westbrook:
We need to create an economy that is conducive to business growth and make sure the necessary resources to drive that growth are present. This includes readily available lending, transparent banking practices, relief from the bureaucratic barriers for small businesses and increased stability through reduction of the stress caused by threats of government default. Job-creation means removing unnecessary bureaucratic barriers to business growth, simplifying tax codes and easing the path to existing grants, all while ensuring helpful safeguards to prevent harmful economic bubbles and unscrupulous business practices.
Hey, if it isn’t broke, don’t fix it. We guess…
You can look at the other examples here…[Buzzfeed]
PHOTO CREDIT: Facebook
