Last night as I fluffed my pillow, closed my vertical binds, secured my “lifeline” a.k.a, my cell phone on the charger, and adjusted myself into the comfort of my LONELY bed YET again; I started to drift off into my habitual thoughts of my ex-boyfriend which were haunted memories of him on a regular bases. I decided to VOID them out of my temporary memory bank by watching “Roseanne” reruns on television and returning some late night work emails.
This morning I realized that this, “new found learned routine,” that I have modified to tailor my needs of missing my ex-boyfriend will have to come to a immediate halt. Besides, it’s NOT being healthy and I am emotionally draining myself with consumed memories, and unfeasible thoughts of US “getting back” together in the NEAR future.Aside from missing the physical day to day connection, I find myself taunted by minor things such as, someone making sure the “front door is locked & secure”, the TV’s are off, the alarm clocks are set for the following morning, and other miscellaneous things. Call me Psycho if need be, but SOMEONE out there can most definitely identify with where I am coming from.
As much as I like to pretend everything in my life is “Peaches & Cream,” it’s really SUGAR by day and SHIT by nightfall. I have observed people’s “breakup” behaviors and have honestly partaken in all of the following breakup strategies from speed dating, to going out every night and sleeping all day. HELL, I even detached myself from returning to my hometown, DETROIT, to visit my love ones because of complete trepidation and fearfulness of bumping into “Him.” I didn’t want to dwell on my relationship’s dark side or my inner troubles on a NEW MEDIA platter for hundreds of random individuals to review, however after a full WEEK of hanging out with a group of successful, gorgeous, independent women of ALL races, I realize we all shared something in common.
As we ate our food with chopsticks, indulged in our colorful cocktails, and laughed into the WEE hours of the morning I realize we all were facing our own relationship demons and personal barriers that would be surely waiting for us on our PILLOWTOPS by our individual regulated bedtimes. For this obvious reason, and the fact that this week’s list of events made me realize I was NOT the only women aimlessly preoccupied with “what if’s” of their EX boyfriends, I decided to acknowledge that some women in today’s society can’t move on in life in ANY capacity no matter what line of attack they try to use.