To Be Or Not To Be…But At What Cost?

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To be or not to be…but at what cost?  It’s almost inconceivable the lengths that some artists & entertainers feel obligated to go to keep themselves in the headlines. The prioritization of fan base over God, family, morals, and over just plain ol’ fashioned common sense is an example of that remarkable distance. I think it’s important to understand the premise of letting a character that’s been created for fans drown out who you really are. One easily can become a zombie, while the people who love them waste away looking for the sea salt. It becomes so easy to sell your soul to the entertainment business while creating an illusion of grandeur. Hence, this painfully obvious thirst for relevance that completely overshadows sensibility. Thirsty much?
 
When I started in this business over 14 years ago, I was a stylist (fashion) for many well-known artists both upcoming and platinum selling, I never imagined the atmosphere would become this cloudy or eerie. I was trying to define the images of young hopefuls who thought “my way” would set them apart from the masses. Often dorky and clunky, trying to find themselves in defiant color schemes, wrongly combined textures and overworked fashion techniques. Although, consumers see the finished product but are remiss as to what goes into the development. It isn’t always a graceful process. Silly belts, headgear and nervously popped collars often highlighted a level of awkwardness in identity. I’ve watched boys become men and helped boys become men. Yet this identity crisis that hovers over much of the entertainment world is like a crimson cape of insecurity as does this obsession with being “hot” and having “followers.” While fans fixate over the lives of their idols, some celebrities have become slaves to the persona that has been created for them but rarely has anything to do with who they are. Shock value. Publicity stunts. Peddling relationships like a vagabond for a few hundred double clicks on their fans favorite blog sites.
 
Who are they really?
 
Some of your favorite artists were born into the industry or should I say “grandfathered” into it and never got the chance to figure it out. Driven by vicarious dreams of demanding managers/labels, artists are a “what” not a “who.” Their “what” is the gross, their “who” is the net. Artists get whatever is left of themselves after the world takes its share.  It all reminds me of a scene from the film “The Devils Advocate” where souls were sold for money, class, and status.
 
The mirrors have definitely become smoky. So much in fact that it makes it hard for one to decipher reality from the facade. Is it Live or Memorex? Even the public should recognize the #FF (fame fanatics) who go to such great lengths to garner attention ranging from publicity ploys, outlandish stage outfits, sex tapes, head shaving, public grand standing, picture leaks and throwing tantrums. From vintage concepts of dating shows in hopes of finding a soul mate (huh? #wheredotheydothatat) to trying to hit Billboard Charts by any means necessary. Surely, the fans know better than to think what flows from “the pen” of any writer embodies the details of another human’s deepest and true desires.  Sadly, men singing about love, politics, marriage, children or anything genuine and benevolent equates to album sales flop, mundane chatter and waning popularity. It takes a song about disparaging all the aforementioned just to get accolades and spins on the radio. Unlike a mathematical equation the negative induces the positive. The need to placate fans puts artists at their mercy, leading to maniacal decisions. But I guess desperate times call for desperate measures. I digress….
 
Nowadays some artists, entertainers, producers and even songwriters are going as far as buying magazine covers and paying photographers to follow them like paparazzi. It’s called #stayingrelevant. I say amass the fortune, help others and bump the fame, but that sentiment is not often shared. The fame, notoriety, popularity and prestige i.e. “the Light” for some is parallel to a drug. So much self-value is encompassed, without it life to them has little worth. Is it life imitating art or art imitating life?
 
Before the tirades and “smoke and mirror-esque” themes, when music actually made sense, even a mere decade ago, it was something we created memories with, celebrated, made and raised our kids to. It embodied our diverse cultures, experiences, and gave others a peek into our soulful worlds.  Yet there are many like Lauryn, Mary J, Common and others that are non-conformists. They have never compromised themselves, their sexuality nor their art, yet they remain timeless. Although standing in “the Light’ has had its costs for all, selling one’s soul for relevance is completely different. It makes one wonder the cost of buying it back. I believe that many of these artists today lack the confidence in self that proves to be true staying power. Where there is absolute talent, no drama, no controversy, no nonsensical angles are needed. Its called: Do what God gave you the talent to do and leave the shenanigans to vaudeville and the games to Milton Bradley.
 
For those naysayers, I don’t feel the need to run down my list of qualifications or validate myself, or point out the careers I have funded, started, saved, and salvaged. Yet I will say to those that create diversions for relevancy...to stop, save face, don’t listen to those that benefit more from their advice to you, and ask God for suitable guidance. In the meantime don’t feel inclined to do anything that isn’t organic. At this point, I think I may start my own trending topic #betruetoyourself.
 
Those that actually KNOW me, know how I love a quote that is apropos, so as Dr. Seuss wrote:

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

423 comments

  • USHSER MOTHER WAS RIGHT, IT WAS NOT ABOUT BEINING A MAMA
    SHE JUST WANT THE BEST FOR HER SON. TAMEKA WHAT U DID TO CHILLI WAS WRONG. USHER WOULD TALK TO U ABOUT HIM AND CHILLI AND U USED IT TO GET USHER. U KNOW THAT USHER IS STILL IN LOVE WITH CHILLI WHY DID YOU MARRIE HIM. JUST LET IT GO. USHSER U NEED TO SLOW DOWN AND GET YOUR LIFE IN ORDER. IF YOU GET BACK WITH CHILLI JUST LOVE HER AND RESPECT. AND GOD WILL DO THE REST. YOUR MOTHER KNOW'S THE TRUTH AND SO DO U A CHILLI. TAKEMA LIFE GOES ON JUST BE GRATE PARENTS TO THE CHILDREN.
  • A beautiful, insightful and intelligent article. This sista clearly says what so many of us know to be true! This was such a joy to read.
  • Tameka has babies by other people and to make sure she had a future for them financially she knew she had to have a baby or two by Usher to have that promised to her.. Stop letting your carelessness get you caught up. She she was responsible she would have protected herself if he didnt. She wants sympathy but i think its ignorance because this isnt her 1st go round in any sense.Hate when a woman tries to have a baby by someone to get their money or to be known.
    • I feel the same way - women who are gold diggers are truly pathetic - real women don't do sh*t like that - she knew exactly what she was doing!!!!!
  • Tameka Like Usher Said He Ready To sign them Papers, Go on and Let Him dont try to hold on to sumone who made a song about hes ready to sign them papers.you have to be strong and show women that you can make it threw anything As long as you put God First .Hes probably already doing his own thing anyways.But just make sure he continues to be a father to his kids.
  • Didn't anybody tell this chick her 15 minutes are UP?!? This story is ALL about Usher and why she wants YOU to believe he left her...PULEEZZZEEE, he finally heard what his mother was trying to tell him all along "SHE AINT THE ONE" he only married her to TRY and prove his mother wrong...And she's talking about wanting to stay relevant and staying the "Light" is exactly what she is doing because with out Usher who is she? And she has a terrible reputation in the stylist industry for being shady from the company's she get clothes from to the hotels she stay's at because she's notorious for shipping clothes home and then lying about so she doesn't have to pay for the clothes or the shipping (which the hotel has to eat since it's from their business center). Time is up the light is O.U.T!!!
  • These so called artists have to do publicity stunts to stay relevant. WHO HOLDS THE RECORD ON GLOBAL GRIND FOR THE MOST HITS ON AN ARTICLE? QUINCY BROWN WHEN HE WROTE THE ARTICLE ABOUT "AL B SURE! BIENG HIS DEADBEAT DAD. THAT MY FRIENDS WAS A PUBLICITY STUNT TO GET AL'S NAME BACK IN THE MEDIA. THEN 2 WEEKS LATER AL AND QUINCY ARE HAVING DINNER AND THEY ARE ALWAYS TOGETHER NOW SINCE AL'S ALBUM DROPPED. MY POINT BEING AL WOULD RATHER YOU HAVE HIM THINK HE IS A DEADBEAT THAN NOT HAVE RECORD SALES.
    TAMEKA SPEAKS THE TRUTH. LISTEN TO HER. SHE IS THE FALL GIRL FOR THIS MESS TO GET PUBLICITY FOR USHER'S ALBUM. WAKE UP PEOPLE!
  • Chick, take your settlement and bounce... drop it. Why discuss in media? It's classless. This is your personal life , you will be compensated way more than most single divorced African-America mother's in America . The more you mess u his earning potential , the less your payments become.. Think.
  • Usher and Tameka hopefully will be adults, put their differences aside & put their children first.
  • I see Tameka (AKA Tiabe4real, Chrisie, Maxi) still on her own blog commenting to herself so she can have the last word. Where is that bat, somebody hit this bish over the head. Girl please, let this go already it is ----FLATLINED----DEAD!
  • Wow...I dig this and I understand everyrthing your saying. It's a shame to see today's society in such a shamble. There is little self respect, no backbone, and really it just a money driven world. Most are ready to sell their solds to the world of fame and fortune. Noone want to put in the hard work to gain a career, a strong family, ect. It all has to be quick
  • Nielle, you obviously are the only one here with some sense from what I have read so far. People always take stuff from the surface instead of thinking. What she's implying in this blog is all but true. And as far as usher, yall are to naive to see that he has a track record with drama in his life and songs to follow. Why would and MAN wants to put his ex-wife/mother of his children out there like that. I'm not saying she is a saint, And to Words4thelostones. You obviously need a mentoring program as well THINK "The Lost Ones" are the individuals who have lost their way in life. I think its good and more of these young women needs to uplifted and nurtured so that they can know to run when encountering young men such as yourselves. Tameka is hurt, and I don't care what yall say she have a right to be. You blame her however Usher is a grown man or he is supposed to be. And if HE stepped outside his relationship with Chilli to be with Tameka. My prayers go out to everyone involved in this unfortunate situation and Pray that they can both heal and move on for the sake of their children.
    • I agree. He cares more about selling his album than protecting his family. SMDH. I've lost all respect for Usher.
  • Nielle, you obviously are the only one here with some sense from what I have read so far. People always take stuff from the surface instead of thinking. What she's implying in this blog is all but true. And as far as usher, yall are to naive to see that he has a track record with drama in his life and songs to follow. Why would and MAN wants to put his ex-wife/mother of his children out there like that. I'm not saying she is a saint, And to Words4thelostones. You obviously need a mentoring program as well THINK "The Lost Ones" are the individuals who have lost their way in life. I think its good and more of these young women needs to uplifted and nutured so that they can know to run when encountering young men such as yourselves. Tameka is hurt, and I don't care what yall say she have a right to be. You blame her however Usher is a grown man or he is supposed to be. And if HE stepped outside his relationship with Chilli to be with Tameka. My prayers go out to everyone involved in this unfortunate situation and Pray that they can both heal and move on for the sake of their children.
  • I THINK USHER MARRIED TOO SOON, I THINK SHE WAS TO OLD FOR HIM, AND SHE TRIED TO TURN HIM AGANIST HIS MOM, THAT WAS SO WRONG. USHER GET YOUR DIVORCE AND FIND YOURSELF A FINE YOUNG THING, THAT YOU CAN GO OUT AND HAVE LOTS OF FUN. YOU ARE STILL YOUNG ENJOY YOUR LIFE TAKE CARE OF YOUR SON.HE IS BEAUTIFUL.
  • RECAP:: When Usher was in this fairy tale relationship with Chili and everything was going well, allegedly, he then began seeing another woman. All of a sudden, Usher & Chili are no longer together, and Usher comes out with "Confessions". Chili began talking about how much of a lier that Usher was and that she'd never be with him again. Then, here's Usher with this new chic, his stylist that he's known & worked with for may years & was now seeing. So this new woman was the reason that Chili and Usher broke up. Then Tameka surfaces, then shortly a baby follows. I honestly believe that Tameka was Usher's jump-off, but because Usher was sloppy with his dirt, he unexpectedly got Tameka pregnant, then he had no choice but to come clean. So, to do the right thing, Usher decided to marry Tameka then he began defending his decision while knowing it was a mistake, and fighting to keep it together because of everybody elses doubts. Trying to prove everybody wrong.

    Word of advice Tameka Foster, be careful of the way you get your man, because you just may lose that man the same way you got him....
  • what is her problem with usher? his fans were here long before her and will always be there if they are true to him! we will fight for usher, stand up for usher, love usher, buy his music and support anything he does !! meka leave him alone let be a parent 2 the babies please!!!!!!!!!

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