I read a book back in July called “Be Your Own Mentor” by Sheila Wellington. It made me realize something very valuable. Although I find myself surrounded by successful women, none of them I can consider a mentor or a role model. Why is that?

After last week’s “incident” on Twitter (shameless plug, follow me @cocktailvh1), I had to reflect back on this book. Having a role model or mentor means having someone you look up to and admire, and it’s someone you follow. How do I choose another woman to be my role model/mentor? I mean there is a reason why most women say “I have more guy friends than girl friends.” Most of the time, it’s because women are catty, insecure, jealous, manipulating and judgmental. I mean that’s why most of my friends are guys.

It’s in our nature, as women to want to help and guide those who look up to us but the moment we feel threatened, or as if someone else is taking away our “shine” we immediately shut them down. Now don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of women role models and mentors but not enough. Even in the best of friendships or working relationships you as a woman will never fully let your guard down. You never know what the other is up to or what their true intentions are.

Role models/mentors are not perfect, they make mistakes and they continuously grow but they take responsibility for their actions, they are honest to those who matter and they aren’t afraid to admit when they are wrong. A role model shows you how they became successful by helping you through your most life changing moments. It could be giving advice or simply wearing a skirt that is not too short. It could be the way you speak, or the way you walk or even the way you handle difficult times. Being a role model/mentor comes in different forms but it all leads to the same place, success. When I went on Bad Girls Club & For the Love of Ray J I became a role model. Young girls took to me & I get emails and comments everyday telling me that they hope to be just like me. It’s an honor but it’s freaking scary. A wrong choice, a wrong word, a wrong action can lead someone else down the wrong path.  

As a woman, I don’t “hate” on other women (see my definition of hate at the bottom), I will however be honest about how I feel and I have no problem speaking the truth or stick up for myself. There is a difference between “hating” on someone and being honest but in retrospect, the truth doesn’t always need to be spoken. There is a time and place for everything and there is a thin line between “hating” and sharing an opinion, it all depends on who is watching or listening to what is being said.

I encourage women to be supportive, honest and fair with each other. Being spiteful or just plain mean isn’t of good character for any woman. If you are a model and your friend wants to be a model, help her. Help her find the way and don’t put her down or discourage her just because you’re scared she may end up being more successful than you. Ladies, we need to support each other and be good to each other.

For those who are reading this and saying “wasn’t she going at it with another girl just the other day?” Well I can honestly say it was petty, embarrassing and childish. Even if I do not feel that I was completely wrong, it’s up to me to be the bigger person and a good role model b/c I can’t control anyone else but me. I chose to respond b/c I didn’t want to be seen as a “punk” and quite frankly, I was pissed off. But I know that a punk is something I am not and at the end of the day I am better than that. I can give credit where it’s due and I am hoping that others can do the same.

So with that being said, ladies remember that envy is an ugly face to wear. We need to be successful, positive women and embrace each other.

P.S. If you haven’t read “Be Your Own Mentor” you should pick it up. It’s a great read for women of all ages.

[To me hating on another woman means

putting them down just so you feel better].