I hear men complain all the time about women using the kids to get revenge on the fathers of their children by forcing them to pay child support and not letting them see the kids. Instead of complaining I wonder how many brothers educate themselves on how to gain access to their children instead of trying to avoid child support. I know a 19 year old boy that managed to figure out how to apply AND be awarded joint custody of his child the minute the mother decided she didn't want to allow him to see their daughter. He doesn't have to pay support btw because he SHARES custody. It kills me how some of y'all are more worried about your paper than being a part of your children's lives and PROUD to say that you're 'choosing to be a deadbeat" as though that ish is smooth! WTF?!! When your kids grows up what are you going to say? "Mommy wouldn't let me see you so I got back at her by refusing to do anything for you?" Poor kid doesn't stand a chance with either parent.

Deadbeat dads are looking for any excuse in the book. A deadbeat creates himself and blames others. Society should never help him do that by handing him excuses on a silver platter.

Nope Dead beat Dads make women crazy. You got it twisted.

She was so in love until he decided he would rather salvage his relationship with Mrs. Edmonds than deal with the fact that he's created a child (and subsequently a relationship of sorts) with Mel B. Classic guy running away because it's a situation he doesn't want to be in. If you remember, she was pretty chill about the whole situation until he refused to help AND tarnished her image to save his.



If he really wanted to have something to do with the child he'd set something up with the courts. Secondly, the child support calculating system is so out of date that child support doesn't normally cover 1/4th of what a mother spends. And yes, he's rich so what? Your children no matter who the mother is should have the same opportunities because they are all yours.



It's her responsibility to make sure that the money is well spent but I HATE that people always try to assume or catagorize the mother as a gold digger or crazy because she's trying to get the father to do what he's supposed to.



Grow up.

Ever heard of third party visits. He's crazy/she's crazy means your putting your the baby mama or baby daddy above the best interest of the child, which in turn makes you childish. Figure out a way to visit and provide for your child without all the extras, grandparents, bestfriends, aunts, uncles...etc. Drop the baby off at a mutually agreed spot (possibly a family members home) the non-custodial parent can pick the child up spend the day, weekend, holiday, or summer with the child, and then return them. There's never a an excuse for cutting yourself out of your childs life.

I can certainly understand all view points noted above. But, none of those views negate one the primary purposes of Sex which is to pro-create to produce children. Children are a natural, and likely, result from having sex, whether one is married or shacking. But, it’s the choices that adults make that put them in the precarious situations they face with respect to facing child support. In all relationships, between men and women, where the parties are engaging in relations, there is always a chance of conceiving a child, even after taking precautions. The only sure way to control if or when a child comes into the world without having to contend with manipulative baby mamas or baby daddy is to either not do it or be with a person (preferably a spouse) one can trust and commit to, someone with whom to be evenly yoked with. We just don’t get this method of birth-control. When two people find themselves facing an unwanted pregnancy, the first question is “how did this happen”? It is a sad thing to see when a woman uses a conception of a child (pregnancy unwanted by the father) for pecuniary gain or even for further emotional validation from her partner. And, it’s unfortunate that many fathers are perpetually manipulated by their jilted baby mamas, but child support is really a form of supporting at least one or more “wife”. In many ancient societies, all a man had to to to be married was to have sex with a woman and declare that she was his woman to be considered married. The formal ceremonies came after this period. Our ancestors, the men, had to support of all of their wives and each of their children. Thus support is nothing new. Not only is this concept cultural, it’s moral, a word we don’t want to deal with as we believe we can do whatever we want without facing the consequences of the natural results. What is new, however, is this somewhat self-victimization many father are claiming when faced with supporting unwanted children. What did you think would happen? Why can’t we figure these things out?

With regard to Eddie Murphy, he will have to deal with his own conscious as Mel B’s child grows up without knowing him. You can’t make fathers take emotional or spiritual responsibility for their children as this form of morality cannot be regulated. Nevertheless, financial support can be, and is, regulated. Looking from the outside in, of course, if it were me and I were a man, I would be more concerned about how my own flesh and blood is being raised (especially if I thought the woman as crazy and manipulative), that s/he was growing to be a responsible human being with character that sustains their ability to make it in this world. There are plenty of men who are more concerned about the well-being of the extension of themselves (even if unwanted initially), than they are about facing baby mama-drama and how much it costs to support the child, and this is commendable. In fact, many more men are able to demonstrate that they are capable of caring for the child independently of the mother. Parents, both mothers and fathers, are ALWAYS responsible for emotional and mental well-being of their flesh and blood, no matter what the circumstances are between the parents. I would hate to be the dead-beat parent whose child’ life is nothing but a picture of low self-esteem, trauma, and poor choices all because I could not face responsibility for my actions. Who would want their own flesh and blood growing up to be a replica of the crazy manipulative parent? But, also, one doesn’t pay support to see a child. Should pay a (very good) lawyer to gain custody, even if shared, of the child to assure the child’s well being. A girlfriend of mine received child support from her father (whom she has not seen since she was 2) consistently throughout her childhood. After she started college, he continued support of her by personally sending a check to her monthly for her college fund and maintained her on his health insurance until after she finished school. She never saw him and had no personal relationship with him. At the same time, her perception of men was distorted and it took her years to finally realize this in order to move on with her life and find a meaningful relationship which led to marriage. Responsibility for our actions is more than handing over a monthly check.

16 years ago, I conceived a child with a woman who I grew up with in the projects of East Harlem. Back in the day, she was the chick every cat in the projects wanted to get with and was considered 'a prize'. We have known each other since ages 6 and 7 years old but did not get together until she was 36 and I was 35. She has a very good job that pays her well into 6 figures. She also had 2 kids already from a previous relationship as did I. In all the years we were together, this broad went out of her way to have another baby (with me) and her efforts resulted in her getting pregnant 5 times during these years. She would always abort spontaneously which I saw as God protecting my interests. Once I made her go to the 'chop-shop' because I had no interest whatsoever in expanding my family and told her as much. The final time, the pregnancy stuck and she birthed a Daughter who I have not seen or heard from in 13 years. The first three years of this child's life we lived together and I did all the Daddy things a Daddy is expected to do and bonded closely with this little girl.

Then the relationship between Baby's Mama and I began to lose it's steam and I told Baby's Mama I was moving out, but we could still raise our child jointly. I further informed her that I had met someone else and was pursuing happiness with this person.

Well, this Bish lost her damned mind and went Downtown behind my back and opened a Child Support Case against me out of spite and vindictiveness even lying to the Judge that I had not provided ANY support SINCE THE DATE OF BIRTH!!!!!! (Can you believe that shyt?) So my Child Support case OPENED with 3 YEARS of BOGUS ARREARS!!!!!

What man in his right mind will save every receipt from every purchase he has ever made for his child??? Who does that?

Baby's Mama had the stones to say to me TO MY FACE, "When I get through with you, you'll be so broke no other Bish will have your broke, busted @ss!"

Well try as I may have to fight the bogus arrears (I had no issue with paying regular support, however) the NYC Family Courts did not want to hear it and would seize ENTIRE PAYCHECKS!!! I petitioned the Court on numerous occasions to modify the order, but Baby's Mama would always fail to appear even after being properly served. Each time, the Judge refused to put out a warrant for her arrest but was quick to warn me that she'd throw my Black @ss in jail in a NY minute if I ever failed to appear! (What NERVE!)

So because I am smarter than Baby's Mama on her BEST DAY, I was desperate to figure out how to shut her down.

To make matters worse, Baby's Mama was now blocking me from seeing the child by refusing to let me speak with the child by telephone which progressed to just not answering when I rang and not returning calls despite me leaving messages for my Baby. When I'd physically go over there, they would just refuse to answer the door.

I began going to the private Catholic School where our Daughter was enrolled to see her over there to hug her and remind her that Daddy still loved her regardless until baby's Mama got wind of what I was doing and had the school deny me access to seeing my child on the school's premises.

Now I'm really pissed off, frustrated and ready to break my foot off in this b*tch's @ss. I decided that if she was going to play these kind of games, I will not comply with the support order. Fcuck her! She makes a ton of loot anyway and only opened the Child Support Case to spite me for no longer wanting to be with her.

So I figured out a way to beat the support payments (though I do not think it is wise to divulge how I did it here, but Guys: IT CAN BE DONE!! Fcuck that crazy b*tch AND the COURTS as well! All I will say is did NOT resort to selling drugs and what I did do was perfectly legal..)

So I became a dead-beat Dad BY CHOICE because if she was not going to let me be a part of the child's life, I ain't payin' one thin dime! I don't give a fcuck!

As I said, I haven't seen nor heard from this child in 13 years, have no emotional connection to her any longer and do not claim her as my daughter. When asked how many children I have, I always answer, 'two' for my oldest Daughter and my younger Son who have always been in my life.

Years later I became disabled and she tried raiding my Social Security, but I shut her down again. She gets only $25.00 a month. She tried crying that it wasn't enough to raise a teen-age girl on, but this time the Judge ruled in my favor and told her, "tough darts, Sweetie".

So I will say to any man who has a baby with a crazy b*tch who won't let you see your child, DON'T PAY HER A FCUCKING DIME!!!!!! Do whatever you have to in order to get out of it, legal or otherwise.

9 times outta 10 there is baby mama drama, or baby daddy drama.. whatever you want to call it. With celebs it just sucks because their drama is spread through out the net. you dont wake up to a blog about my neighbors baby mama pounding on his door at 6am.

I think it can go both ways.

i wouldnt say that, me and my babymomma werent compatible. So we went our different ways. My son came with me, and i've been doing it on my own. She dont call, write, or anything. My thing is that he is my son, so its my responsibility to mold him into a responsible law abiding citizen

both women and men can be crazy. Prompting the other to not be involved with their family situation. But I think when it comes down to bringing a child into this world, both parents should grow up and do whats best for the child!

good question... well, can u get out of a relationship without being on bad terms? speaking from experience, unfortunately, i think it just depends on the person they are and the person u are; if your ex is that type of person who blows everything out of porportion then that makes u not willing to be a part of their life after the relationship, then they start getting mad at u because u dont keep in contact....... if only people realized how they act.

No. Absolutely not. Dead beats make dead beat dads. I think there was a topic like this over at 99problems.org too fyi

I agree with both chocolate and getyostxup!! Men are always the bad guy when it comes to single parent relationships!! But people, mostly women fail to realize that men go through a lot too especially when it comes to having to deal with wanting to be with your kid but have to go through this brick wall called a baby momma, who deep down knows that you love your kid, but is so mad at you because you don't love her anymore, and because the ideal family that she wanted with you is now a figment of her imagination!! On the other hand though, no matter why a couple breaks up, the women is stuck with that baby weather it's a mistake or a planned parenthood!! The saying "momma's baby poppa's maybe" is still very evident in today's society!! Although there is a bunch of men who want to be fathers to theirs kids, if for any reason they didn't want that responsibility anymore, they don't have to be there!! But that woman is left with that child even if they didn't want the responsibility!! So it goes both ways, men need to be more selective when it comes to who we lay down with!! Women need to do the same, sleep with the person you expect to be with and who wants to be with you!! Please, because it doesn't matter if the baby momma or baby daddy is crazy, that BABY needs his parents!!

Oh yeah Chocolate ,Turmoil and anger are not the typical aspects of life as a single parent...do not nonchalantly say this behavior on the woman or man's part is cool and regular ...Because it is not...are u in college...I really hope so...you sound a little YOUNG

Chocalate Chiq...that is bullish...let us keep it real for a minute...there are a certain brand of woman...whatever the race ...that love DRAMA...first of all the grown woman let the grown man inside her without the ring or the TROJAN...so when the romantic feelings fizzle for the woman...the parental feelings get demonized by the mother...and the father who would rather have a good relationship with both mother and child has to focus specifically on the child all while this vindictive women that did not handle her life with care looms over ready to call the baby's father everything but a child of God.There is such a thing as mental abuse ...and women are not the only ones that suffer from it.This post is not to defend dads that do not lift a finger, make a dollar, and/or mentally support thier child.THIS WAS NOT WRITTEN FOR YOU.This is for those fathers out there mentally bashed and mistreated.Those emasculated by women that feel victimized because the relationship did not work for whatever reason and laid down with a man that was not their husband.I mean what do you women expect from man...THEIR IS ONLY ONE SUPERMAN...AND HE IS A PRODUCT OF DC COMICS..Single , spiteful mothers of the world cry me a river, build a bridge and get over it...