Previous Headlines

Celebrity Blogs >> more Celebrity Blogs

EXCLUSIVE BLOG Reagan Gomez, The Struggles Of The Working Mom

Posted by: Reagan Gomez 8/5/2009 | 18,985 Views

COMMENTS

So, I’m still trying to figure the “working mom” thing out. My daughter, Scarlett is 2, and I was lucky enough to take the first year of her life off. I did a re-occuring role on “Till Death” and a film,“Dough Boys”, and that was it. But after TI's “Whatever You Like Video", the phone kept ringing. Luckily, my new job as the voice of “Roberta” on The Family Guy spin off, The Cleveland Show(airing September on Fox) is the perfect job for a mom. I’ve also been lucky enough to be able to take her on location for two films I did in Texas.

I feel guilty as hell when she’s not with me. I miss her like crazy.

So this has me thinking. Do working moms, feel, more guilt, than working dads? Don’t jump on me dads, I know you miss your families too. I’m only asking, because Men have been working forever! They’re taught, GO OUT AND WORK, LONG BUSINESS TRIPS, LONGS HOURS AT WORK. It’s all part of being a man. But historically, men were at ease, knowing that their children were at home with the wife. But what if, THE WIFE, works, just as much? That’s a reality for most families out there, not to mention single mothers. And single dads, I give you guys credit as well. Think about it, working women, have only been the “NORM” for what, the last 50 to 60 years? We’re still trying to figure out how to balance it all.

Being all things to everyone. Amazing at work, attentive mother, great cook, keeping a clean house, and don’t forget about your husband. This is the world we live in. How the hell does the “Guilt” go away. If you HAVE to go to a business meeting, and your little one is crying her eyes out, holding your leg, not letting go, what do you do? This is what you do. You feel like the worst mom in the world. Like, WHY THE F*CK am I doing this. I should just stay home! Am I the only one going through this??? I hope not. And if you travel a lot, it’s absolute torture. And I have to say, WOMEN CAN BE THE WORST ON OTHER WOMEN. “Girl, I could never leave my baby with a nanny, Girl how can you leave your kids that much, I hope you cook for them,” And my favorite, “You’re husband is a good man, how can you leave him alone so much?” Funny, I never hear men say that to other men.

Truth is, I LOVE being home with Scarlett. But I love working too. And it’s been a challenge. MY FAMILY COMES FIRST. I’m preparing myself for the day, I have too go on location, for work, andScarlett can’t come with me. Because of school, or something. Not looking forward to it. The struggles of a working mom. But we’re up for it, right ladies. And if you have a supportive partner, like I do, there’s nothing better. God bless all of the single moms! I can’t even image. Ladies, we’re still figuring this, “2009, I can do everything” woman out. But maybe, SHE already is US. If you choose to stay home, or go to work, we have the choice that our mothers, grandmothers didn’t have. Because if mommy is fulfilled, she’s a better mom, and wife.

Happy Wife, Happy Life.

Ain’t that the truth!

Follow me on Twitter! @ReaganGomez

TAGS -

32 comments

Guilt: I am a single mother of 4 beautiful children. I knew everything at 14 so I dropped out of school and ran away. As many young girls, I felt my life was lacking love, so I thought sex would heal my ail. I was very naive in my thinking and lacked a real sense of direction. I wound up in a world of trial after tribulation: jail, approached by pimps, stealing and on and on. At 18 I had my first, 20 my second and 22 my third and forth (I had twins). I had now officially become a statistic. Single black mother on welfare, uneducated, kids fathers in prison and had a criminal background.

I looked at my life and my children, 3 girls who will be women of significance one day and decided the only way to assure that they would come to know their true purpose in life was through my lesson.

I decided to obtain my GED. I did that! Then I was blessed to meet successful, educated black women (something I never saw at one point in my life) and I was Inspired. I went to college at a very reputable school and obtained my Bachelors degree in science. Then my Masters degree in Science and Occupational Therapy. While in college I was required to do 6 months of full time fieldwork, I worked a part time job and held down 16 credits while maintain Dean’s list status. And, I cared for my 4 little ones.

When I look back on my situation I would have been plagued with guilt had I allowed myself to be the statistic I was. I would have allowed my children to think that our struggles confine us. We must be progressive people. We must allow our struggles to refine us and inspire growth. As mother’s we have many jobs. We have to love, spend time, give hugs kisses, tuck the kids in etc.. But, most importantly we build character and make our contributions to the world count so we teach dignity, self- respect, esteem, pride, responsibility, and demonstrate balance and gratification when we work and do what we gotta do to better the lives of our children

Nadia Hope 9/22/2009 | reply
0
My mom had me in college. She worked 2 jobs while completing her Bachelor's and there were nights when I slept at the daycare. But the point I am trying to make is that while my mother made many sacrifices that included spending quality time with me, I never felt compelled to resent her for it.

Kids know when their parents are working toward a goal, and when they are being neglected for selfish reasons. Trust your skills as a mother, and remember that you're working hard for her benefit. She knows that mommy loves her, now its your turn to trust that even if she has a temper tantrum, its only normal.

Speaking as a single mother to my two little girls, I have taught myself to enjoy the benefits of daycare, as I am helping them to become independent from mommy. I am helping them to become social. And trust me, nothing is worst than a clingy child when you do need a night off with Daddy or your girls.

BFount 9/11/2009 | reply
0
hey Ms. Reagan....i invite u to check out my mommy blog...rumor has it that it's a great reprieve from the stress of the day.

http://spitupissexy.blogspot.com

hope u pop on over...in the meantime...happy blogging!

that one girl 9/10/2009 | reply
0
You shouldn't feel bad at all, you are a successful and intelligent mother. But I can only imagine how you feel. I am getting into my career as well but like you, I would want to be there for my children as much as possible (when I have kids). I don't know what I'm going to do... hope you figure it out and blog about it before I have kids =o) Lol jk take care and keep doing what you are doing.

AnotherMaria 8/9/2009 | reply
0
I hear you in more ways than one. After I lost my mother I learn the true meaning of trying to work and raise children. My mother was all the help I had and when she died I had the hardest time just getting someone to watch my two daughters so I can continue work. I went through four babysitters from family to friends. I was about to quit my job I use to cry all the time because my kids where not getting the proper care from people I thought I could Trust.Until one day god sent me one of my mothers old friends she helped me with my girls and all my worries went away. Now my oldest is in college working on her masters, my youngest is in her junior year of college. Yes I know women have a hard time trying to balance work and children but in the end it's all worth it. The key is keep your faith in god never give up when you fall down pick yourself up and keep it moving...

All Woman 8/9/2009 | reply
0
I'm Not speak english..

Y Love you Words y love sooo MUCHHHHHHHHHHHHH...

i'm from BRAZIL....

Allison 8/9/2009 | reply
0
Reagan your concern indicates that you are a loving, caring, awesome mother. All working mothers experience what you've described. Having to leave your crying child as you go off to work is not easy. I remember those days. In fact, even now, I have moments when I just want to call my child and have him take the day off so that we can hang out together! I don't think that feeling will ever go away...mothers experience "separation anxiety" too!

I like when you say your family comes first because that is key. Caution though, because some say that our actions don't always reflect that statement. You are lucky to be in an industry that will allow you to bring your child to work with you. Also, it sounds like you get to pick and choose the projects that you work on.

I say relax and enjoy being a millennial mom who gets to work in such an exciting, glamorous industry. Remember, though, that finding perfect "balance" does not come over night. It takes time and some mothers will say its a constant struggle.

Best wishes.

Marilyn 8/7/2009 | reply
0
reagan...i like your words...i have been a full time working mom my childrens whole lives they are 14 and 16...my guilt was horrible at first..and it passed sometimes it rears its ugly head...as my kids are getting on in high school ..i am so happy because my kids are so independent and they also depend on each other..i feel very close to them they know i love them so much...and i know that they will both be very strong standing on their own and the other day my daughter made a comment that she just wouldnt be able to not have me in her life...my point is use your energy for love not guilt be in love with your moments look forward to sharing with scarlett everything that happened to u when u too were away and hearing what she wants to tell u...these days its great because u can text message her or twitter her or have an email for her where u send cute animated things....as she gets older..as russell simmons says ..do you...and love it and u sound like a great mom and scarlett knows that dont let others judgement pull u down because your gift to scarlett is near or apart great love is in your heart...and u leave her in the best care when u are not there....i know you are a great mother..when guilt comes notice and do what else russell simmons says..smile and beereath do that when others make their comments too...oh and your husband is a good man because he is being supportive of you doing you...and same with him if you just love and be thankful for him this will spread through your family ..you r filled with love ...i have no idea if i made any sense ..u make sense to me.i hear ya....blessings to u..tami rush danville california

8/7/2009 | reply
0
It's either work or the lights are off, eat or not eat, nice clothes or just plan raggedy.We as women have always kept home together.I don't know where u are from but it has been in the black community forever mom always worked and thats just the way it is, with or with out a partner. She would have the neighbors watch out for us, she would call on her breaks. As women we are strong and resilent...

LEGGZZ 8/7/2009 | reply
0
I can't speak for the men but speaking for myself i've had moments where I felt guilty but I quickly let myself off the hook when I realized the example I set with working for my wages and caring for my babies is a far better look for them to learn as long as there is balance and they both know mommy loves them and do it for them. You are blessed to be able to take Scarlett on set with you, alot of mom's have to leave their children at day camps and doing that is like praying before a meal, you have to truly trust GOD to lead you to the right facility.

STORM3333 8/7/2009 | reply
0
I truly appreciate the blog that you have posted. Reason being is that sometimes we "normal folks" forget that celebrities are people just like us. Just because you are a celebrity does not mean that you can not have the same day to day issues just like anyone else. I myself am a working mother of a 4 year old son. In addition to that I am a single mother. Everyday that I wake up I go to work in order to provide for not only myself but my child. It took a while for my son to realize why I was going to work but now he knows. I have my days that I get down on myself because I do not get to spend as much time with him as I would like to. But hey...if I don't do it who will? I think in a nutshell that to those of us who are working mothers our children are learning life a life lesson earlier than most...not to be lazy, go after your goals and dreams, that they can do it all. Just think how highly your daughter will think of you when she gets older. She will be able to say "my mommy can do it all." So do it and also realize that God does not give us more than we can handle...so keep on handling it!!!!

Monique Morgan

Monique Morgan 8/7/2009 | reply
0
At one point I was working 2 jobs and going to school. I currently have about 4 jobs, lol. I work full time, a part time job 2-4 weekends a month, I am a travel agent, and recently started taking on consulting/marketing projects. My full time job takes care of my expenses but I work the part time jobs because I love the things I do. I've always been a hard worker and over-achiever. I have career goals that do not allow me to sit still- I am trying to maximize on every window of opportunity. My daughter lives with me and she calls me her best friend. I am there for her and still get to do all the fun and essential mommy-daughter stuff even though I don't have a "traditional" schedule. We spend the weekends I'm off together and we have so much fun when we are home in the evenings during the week. I just think about the example that I am setting for her: things do not always go your way in life. I never thought that I would end up not with her father (thats a whole different blog, lol) but things happen, and its how you recover and move on that builds character and shows strength. Her father is very active in her life and does what he can to support. I think that we are doing a good job of showing her that although Mommy and Daddy aren't together, they love me and take care of me the same. Sometimes she cries and wants to stay home and begs me not to go to work and not to take her to daycare but its rare. Most importantly, she has stability. I try not to change her schedule up too much- she knows when she's going to be with Mommy and she knows when she's going to be with Daddy. I love being a working Mother. I hope that when my baby is old enough to really understand she will say "wow- Mommy was a strong, independent, motivated, hard-working woman...she did her thing."

PrincessDiva920 8/7/2009 | reply
0
I can definitely dig this post. I am a 22 yr old single mother of a beautiful 3 (almost 4) year old little Princess and I felt TERRIBLE when I had to go back to work. I stayed home with my little girl for the first 3 months, her father and I were still together at the time. Then I went back to work part time in the evenings so I was still home with her during the day and her Daddy was with her in the evening. But then we started to struggle and I had to accept a full time position that I was offered at my job. I initially turned down the position until I talked to my mom who helped me to put my situation in perspective: we needed the money and we were not in a position for me to be a stay-at-home mom. I had to put my 4 month old baby in daycare and I cried everyday for 2 weeks straight. I would leave work on my break and go nurse her at her school. The guilt definitely got better over time and then her father and I split up and I became a single mom, working a full time job, keeping a house, and taking care of a baby all on my own.

PrincessDiva920 8/7/2009 | reply
0
Everything in life happens the way it is supposed to..there is nothing that is out of place...we must remember that we are the creators of our own destinies. I watched my mother work...still do and I can not wait for the day that I can tell my mom to quit! I understand your struggle...my mother used to work 2 jobs when I was younger, but b/c she missed my sister and me she quit one...which no doubt led to less of everything...but I know why she did it...she was missing out on our lives. I hope that knowing SHE MADE IT somehow is comforting to you b/c in time you will figure it out. We all have to live life on life's terms...the key word is LIVE...b/c we are still living there will always be hope. Its natural to feel the way you do...I miss my son all the time!!! It hurts me but I'm a hustler by nature! I have to be in the grind or else i don't feel right. Music takes me places where I can be with him like I want. I am trying to figure out to balance that as well. I know it sucks...but if we didn't do what we had to do then life wouldn't be what it should be for them...so Live...Work...Be Happy...No matter what you young Scarlett will always love mommy!

Peace

~Knock

(Mack Buckley)

Hard Knock Life 8/7/2009 | reply
0
Your comment rings true for most working mothers...I find myself in the same suitation having to split my time between being a mom and an employee. The balance is sometimes hard to maintain. That is why I am in grad school trying to position myself to make my own schedule by the time he starts school.

Keep up the good work its an inspiration to everyday citizens such as myself to know that the struggles of motherhood exists everywhere.

FTWDAM4S 8/7/2009 | reply
1