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Momma's In Rehab....Again

Posted by: Reagan Gomez 9/10/2009 | 30,297 Views

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So, this is a part of my life, I’ve never publicly spoken about. But I know, I’m not alone. My mom is an addict. Her drug of choice.....Alcohol. And watching her battle this disease over the
years, I have to write about it.

Funny thing is, before we moved to LA, I don’t ever remember her taking a drink. My brother and I had a great childhood. Originally from Detroit, (yes, I’m from the D), we landing in Philadelphia when I was 8. Mom was a retired police officer from Detroit, who actually sued the city for Sexual Harrassment in the 80’s and was compensated well. Also wrote a book on it. Dad was a doctor. We were Middle Class and normal. I had been acting in Philly and New York, and it was her idea, to go to LA in the summer of ‘94 and give acting a shot on the West Coast. I booked The Parent’hood within a month, and she, myself, and my brother made the move. It was a big adjustment, but she did everything she could to keep things normal for us. So, you can understand my confusion, when at 15, I started noticing my MOM, coming home later and later, or not at all. I knew she was raising my brother and I alone in this new city, and she needed a break from time to time. And I was happy to get my own alone time with my then boyfriend....hehe. (Husband now) Then I started actually seeing her inebriated. Stumbling in at 4am, I’d hear stories of her being at clubs till the wee hours, watching her leave our house at midnight, and drive away drunk, as I pleaded for her not to. This went on for years.

She became someone, my brother and I HATED being around. Dad was in Philadelphia, so we felt very alone. Work was my only get away. And they all knew. Most of Hollywood did. And when you have an addict as your parent/manager, $$$ problems are gonna occur. When I started getting old enough to ask where my money was going, that’s when things really got bad. And I left at 16. Since then, our relationship has been, rocky... to say the least. Her addiction really got out of control. She’s a binge drinker, so she can be sober for months, even years, and then, out of the blue.....sigh. I’m not downing her. I love her, and I want her to love herself. I know her heart. She’s funny, loving, strong, loves being around family, but can be very self-destructive.

As I’ve gotten older, and started my own family, I’ve realized that I have to love her from a distance. For my own sanity. Because, as people who know addicts will agree, lying and manipulation, is the addicts bread and butter. And misery loves company. And as Scarlett’s mom, I can’t....I won’t allow it. I pray that “this time” it lasts. Not even for me, or my brother, we’re grown. For her. I wanted to share my story, to let others with stories like mine, know, they’re not alone. I was lucky, in that, I was on a show with amazing people who cared about me, and made sure that I was okay. But they’re are kids out there who don’t have that option.

And to them I say, keep your head up. Stay in school, and have your plan mapped out. Because where you come from, doesn’t determine where you’re going:)

God Bless.

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65 comments

My heart goes out to you Meagan.I hopes she gets better.Addiction runs in my family as well.Drugs and alcohol,its hard but as long as she has your support and wants to get better she will do fine.You are in my prayers

diabla 10/12/2009 | reply
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Hell I think that you should be glad that yo moms is in rehab i think alot of people should go th rehab i.e. my moms Keyshia Coles mom and Lil Waynes Ex Wife Latoyas Mom

so KUDAS to ya mom

Iluvmisumhim 9/29/2009 | reply
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HEY REAGAN, I REMEMBER THE DAY I MET YOU IN THE LIQUOR STORE IN MATTESON ILLINOIS YOU WAS DOING THE HENNESY PROMOTION. WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT YOU WAS DEALING WITH TROUBLES YOU SO HAPPY SMILING SO HARD AND YOU ASK ME WHERE DID I GET MY PURPLE JACKET FROM. GIRL YOU ARE AMAZING AND GOD IS ON YOUR SIDE. HE WILL TAKE AWAY ALL WORRIES AND AS LONG AS YOU STAY BY YOUR MOTHER SIDE I PROMISE YOU THINGS WILL GET BETTER. I HAD TO DEAL WITH THE SAME SITUATION WITH MY MOTHER, BUT I DIDN'T HIDE IT FROM NO ONE AND I PUT IT IN GODS HANDS AND NOW MY MOTHER NO LONG IS ADDICTED SHE WORKS EVERYDAY AND PROVIDE FOR HER FAMILY SO JUST KEEP YO HEAD UP AND GOD WILL WALK YOU THROUGH YOUR JOURNEY AND I WILL ALSO KEEP YOU IN PRAYER BCUZ "HE WHO KNEELS BEFORE GOD WILL STAND BEFORE ANYONE" LOVE AND I PRAY THAT THINGS GETS BETTER.

i got yU Rite, I changed yO Life im dA Best yU haD 9/20/2009 | reply
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I understand what you are saying about loving her from a distance it's your mom but your a mom yourself so it's sad you love her but you can't have her around your kid if you think she might say or do something that would upset the kid it sounds like you're doing your best with a crazy situation

AndyFreedman 9/19/2009 | reply
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Reagan, Your story is very touching and I can relate being a social worker and certified therapeutic recreation specialist CTRS. I work with many families and individuals with the similar issue and problem. Yes, sometimes you have to love from a distance to help someone see where he/she is in his/her life. You never noticed the drinking before because she hide it from you, but as you got older she started allowing the alchol to control her. Something has occurred in your mom's life that she is not talking about that lead her to the drinking or as we say the behavior of hiding behind the addiction. With all addicts they have to decide when to stop. They have to decide when enough is enough and hopefully we pray they will make a change before it's too late. It's amazing my brother and I grow up in the same home, both loving parents, same opportunities to be more then our dreams, but my brother 42 years old, a heroine addict and thinks the world owns him something. I love my brother dearly. I intervene and I put him on the bus out of Maryland away from his influences and sent him to the country Alabama. I give it to him raw I told him that it was time that he take a look at his life and evaluate who he is and what he wants be because it time that he get his sh*t together because no body owes him a damn thing, but love and he get's that from his father and mother and if that is not enough for him to wake up, then he will end up dead and another black man's statistic. So my advice is keep on praying and be empowered to comfort your mom when she is ready to learn ways to address her addiction. Be blessed and my prays are with you.

Peaches/Tiphani789

Tiphani789 9/18/2009 | reply
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Good for you Reagan!! Pass on your strength. You have always been a productive role model and I pray you always will be. I'll also pray for your Mom. Please know, "we" need you.

Dawn 9/18/2009 | reply
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THANKS FOR SHARING, I WISH YOU AND YOUR MOM THE BEST, MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU BOTH

CHYNAH DOLL 9/17/2009 | reply
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your not alone girl in just about everyone's family there is someone addicted to something, my cousin had a battle with that with her mother, where her mother was in the line of losing her job becuz of it. Alcohol is a strong addictive devil and if you stay in her corner she will get better. May God bless your family.

9/16/2009 | reply
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I reward ur courage n my prayers go out 2 u and urs. But I just have 1 concern/question there was a rumor a couple of years ago that u stole someone car and barracked urself n a crack house n went all out on a crack binged. Was this rumor true. God I hope not ur such a beautiful young lady.

TYE 9/16/2009 | reply
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Thank you Reagan for sharing your story with us. I can identify so much of what you went through and I tip my hat to you for becoming the person you are in spite of what you went through. I am a recovering addict (10 yrs clean) with 5 children. I was so caught up in my addiction and didn't see a way out. So needless to say I wasn't a good mother. I loved my children but was so consumed with the drugs. It wasn't until the state took my children from me did I realize that I needed to do something about my addiction because I had already lost everything else (starting with myself) and my children were all I had left and I wanted them back.

Thank God for God because I know it was through his grace and his mercy I went into treatment and 8 short months later I got my children back. I've been clean ever since.

A lot of people don't realize that addiction is a disease and it needs to be treated as such. I was fortunate to have a daughter who (through research) knew this. She was the one person in my life that hung in there with me. She was the only one that didn't judge me. The rest of my family had turn their backs on me (rightful so) because they could no longer take the pain that I had caused them for so long. But because my daughter is who she is it gave me a sense of hope. Hope that one day I could turn my life around.....and I did.

So as difficult as it may seem as long as you remind your mother that there is a better way to live you have planted a seed. And there is hope that one day she can and will be free of that mood changing, mind altering substance that controls her every waking moment.

In the mean time I will keep you and your mother in my prayers. Peace and Love for you both.

I understand 9/16/2009 | reply
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you little b*tch how could do this to your drunk ass mammy?

bossplaya 9/15/2009 | reply
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- Because it's her MOTHER and her business...what the h*ll do you think blogs are for? STFU!
  
  D-nice 9/15/2009 | reply
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- I hate wen people like u say dumb ass comments like this she even said she luvs her mom and not going against her and y doez she have 2 b a bxtch u disgust me and u really need 2 fall back!!
  
  URIgnorant 9/16/2009 | reply
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Great Blog! I wish you would blog more!

Classy Brown 9/15/2009 | reply
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This is a wonderful start that you are allowing yourself to express this difficult, but yet all so true information about your mother. I can definitely relate both of my parents were addicts, one was in the home and the other was not. My point to making this comment is this....YOU HAVE TO CONTINUE TO SUPPORT YOUR MOTHER!!!! No matter how hard it may be. I went through alot in my teenage years (I am grown now) I feel that by me supporting my mother no matter what she took me through, I believe a part of that helped her!!!! It helped by knowing that I was still supporting her in her road to recovery. You have to remember your mother is an "ADDICT" the alcohol is controlling her life. She can't see herself they way you and your family can see how this has and will continue to destroy her life. Take Car and May God Bless you and your family. Sincerely, I feel your pain.

I feel your pain 9/13/2009 | reply
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Sorry to hear about your Mom, I knew her when she was at the 15th Precinct and glad to see you are doing well.

She came to me and asked my advise saying she felt as a supervisor I would give her good advise. My advise was to tell the truth. she didn't take it Karma is what Karma is

ltjms 9/13/2009 | reply
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I'M GLAD YOU SHARED YOUR STORY, I CAN RELATE TO YOU A WHOLE LOT BUT IT WAS MY WHOLE FAMILY THAT WAS ON DRUGS.. MY AUNTIES AND UNCLES TO MY MOM A MY DAD WASN'T AROUND. SO ME AND MY SISTERS GOT OLDER IT GOT WORST... TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT MY MAMA IS DRUG FREE ALCOHOL FREE,MY AUNTIES IS SAVED INTO CHURCH. BUT THERE IS STILL SOME OF MY UNCLES OUT THERE BUT I CONTINUE TO PRAY FOR THEM. NO MATTER WHAT MY MOM DID SHE ALWAYS TOOK CARE OF MY SISTERS AND I. YOUR MOTHER HAVE TO WANT HELP CAN'T NOBODY DO IT BUT HER.. JUST CONTINUE TO PRAY AND THINGS WILL GET BETTER. I'LL ALSO BE PRAYING FOR YOUR FAMILY ANS THANKS AGAIN FOR SHARING YOUR STORY. YOU ARE HELPING SOMEBODY TODAY..MAY GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR LOVE ONES.

twitter.com/lovelychrishay

lovelychrishay 9/13/2009 | reply
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