Ok – this is a long one – but it’s the first time I’ve blogged in an entire year, so I have a lot to say.  This past year has been a difficult one, but it has also been a period of awakening for me.  I’ve gained a perspective on life that I probably never would have been able to achieve if not for all of the heartache.  In great part, discovering my identity came through the quiet reflection I enjoyed while practicing yoga, and the inner strength I’ve developed attracts powerful things.  I’m seeing that the stronger I am at my core, the more natural and effortless it becomes to draw positive people and uplifting experiences into my life.  For example, never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined befriending Russell Simmons while taking class at a yoga school I started going to in the past year.  This school has been the safe haven for my self-study and spiritual development.  The more I know my true self, the more I come to have faith that my presence on earth means more or at least has different meaning than the media or disbelievers have tried to frame it to be.  Russell was there, reaching out to give me hand placement tips and educate me about the virtues of yoga that he’s discovered throughout the years.  He explained the importance of understanding that our actions sometimes have far reaching consequences – a lesson that certainly resonated with me.  And never would I have imagined finding my new fairy godmother, Kelly Cutrone, who has become such an inspiration to me and stood by me even at her own expense.  I am blessed to have them and other people in my life who are honest, positive and want to help me walk a better path.
I’ve learned a lot about responsibility and how the choices you make can alter the way your life plays out.  I can now see how there were a series of pivotal moments in my life that set me down a certain roads, and once you’re on those roads you can’t turn back.  Some of my decisions were good, some bad, but I accept them as part of what defines me now.  And I’ve learned a lot about gratitude.  No matter what life brings, there is always so much to be thankful for.  When I was going through everything this year, I felt as if I was suffocating at times.  But when I focused my energy on the good, it somehow made breathing a little easier.  I was thankful that my mother’s MS didn’t flare up.  I was thankful that my brother had just gotten out of rehab and he seemed to be the strongest one of all of us.  I was thankful to be able to be with my family again and that they forgave me.  If I instead only focused on the bad, it would have eaten me alive.

I am now 23 years old and I’ve made more mistakes than most people make in a lifetime. But to look back and see all that I have overcome, and to stand here, and actually still be here at all, that is a huge achievement.  I am proud of myself for surviving.  I am proud of myself for going through each phase of my life and wanting to take that next step, even if it was the wrong step.  All that I have gone through has shaped me into who I am today - and I like myself.  I am a work in progress.  I am imperfect.  And that is okay.

One of the things Russell shared with me is the role that charity plays in his life.  I want that in my life.  I want the book I’m working on to inspire people and not just be a trivial account of the business I was in.  I hope that from my story, I can help someone and save them from making the same mistakes and choices that I made.  This isn’t easy for me.  I don’t like to talk about it because it really hurts.  I’ve worked so hard to move on and I don’t want to relive it.  But I know I have to if anything good is going to come out of this.  I don’t want it all to be for nothing.  I hope people allow me to be brutally honest without judging me.  I hope that someday I can gain the respect of people for who I am rather than being defined only by the mistakes I’ve made.  Thanks to everyone who is giving me that chance.
 
-Ashley

Also read Russell's blog "Meeting Miss Ashley" below...

As many of you know I practice yoga everyday.  What some of you may not know is that classic yoga is an 8-step process and that most American yoga studios teach just one of the 8 steps.  The place where I go to practice the 3rd step, asana (poses), also teaches the other 7 steps, so when you go to class with me, you get a full experience…lots of chanting and discussions of god consciousness.  So it is safe to say that these yoga zealots whom I practice with are deeply invested in their spiritual-selves.  No one comes to the studio unless they want to better themselves spiritually.  

So, over the weekend, I went to my normal practice in the city and while bent over in uttanasana, I noticed a cute, little, short girl whose hands were not placed properly.  When you do a complete forward bend, your fingers and your toes should go ten across on the floor, not the hands in front of the feet.  I offered my help, which she thanked me for and she then moved on.  Later, while doing a twisting triangle, I noticed again that she needed a little direction.  So about an hour later when the class was over, she thanked me for the guidance and introduced herself as Ashley Dupré.  I said to myself, “Oh my god, this 5 foot, 1 inch god-seeker was the $4000 "escort" of Governor Elliot Spitzer.”  Before I could speak, she said “I’ve seen you here many times.  This is my favorite place and I’ve been coming here regularly since I’ve moved back into the city, and have been practicing yoga for about a year.  Yoga saved my life.”  I had seen her in class before, but never said anything to her.  We spoke for a few more minutes and I was curious to find out about how her “business” was going and was she benefiting from all of the exposure.  She told me that she hadn’t taken a nickel since the scandal broke and the reason was because every deal that had come in front of her involved further destroying her spirit.  It is almost impossible for a 23-year-old girl, like her, or anyone for that matter, to be able to resist the temptation of further exploiting yourself when they are throwing money in your face – like Penthouse and Hustler, who offered a video component as well for millions of dollars.  She said these things are not her.  They are her experiences, but not her.  I said that it is amazing to see that you’re in yoga and trying so hard to lift yourself up.  She wants to write a book, but the dilemma is that most publishers are too blind to see that people are more interested in her personal, honest evolution, rather than the exploitive tell-all.  She told me that she wants to tell her real story, a story that she feels could inspire a thirteen year old girl and make her proud of her own path. A story of personal transformation.  

This is what I promote within Global Grind – giving people, like Ashley, the vehicle to tell their story, their way.  I look forward to reading her blog, which will be posted tomorrow…where she can finally start to tell her story, on her terms.