From: theblackurbantimes.com

Open Letter to Rihanna and women like her.... Domestic violence shatters an otherwise healthy soul. It takes away the inner freedom and identity that it needs to cover all the space within a person. When someone hits you, you diminish inside to resemble a fraction of who you were. On the outside you have to function around others as if nothing happened. Many people may begin to see you as something else. You may become someone they see as broken. That may cause them to use you as a way to deflect the issues in their own lives. You become their scapegoat. Many women AND men have been abused and mistreated to the point that they are voiceless. They have ceased to exist in the world, and we have let them become nobody. This is a fragile subject that many fight to not speak on. For most women they are not valued enough for anyone to care. Then comes a celebrity. Let's move on.... The smile turns into a misplaced scowl. The scowl turns into comments supposed in your "Best Interest". Then comes possession. Then comes obsession, too much concern. Then comes verbal abuse, if there is any resistance, it turns to physical abuse. We all know this is not what happens in all cases. Sometimes it begins with a slap. But also some abuse victims have many sides. Some of which have appeared because of the abuse. The person is broken into pieces of a once whole vessel. Society so busy trying to be politically correct that we also nurture people who are sometimes not only victims, but also predators. Some victims are just that, victims. Then there are some that breed the very thing they want others to sympathize with them for.We love the sympathy we get, but if our significant other does something we don't like we are reflections of our abusers. When you see a mother of a small child  romanticizing the sympathy she gets from having a sick child by feeding it poison, or causing harm... we have to open our eyes to women or men out there that have a "Munchausen by Proxy type" behavior within their relationships. They love the passion that comes from anger. It is like a drug. Many women and men feel that they only see how much a person loves them when they are being yelled at, and sometimes even abused by their significant other. It runs deep like water in a well. We don't see these behaviors surface until things go really wrong, and they often do. My deal with Rihanna is not about blame, it is about reflection and owning the part you had in the situation that happened in your own life. If a person wants to truly heal and move on to totally freeing themselves from being bound to a negative event, it comes with OWNING the part they had in the situation. We cannot control others, we can only control ourselves. Our attempt to control others comes with consequence. How we go about it is up to us, but we have to be responsible for the outcome. Rihanna you are violent as well. You need counseling that cannot be found in an outfit, in a club, in the bottom of a wine glass, or at the back of the throat of some yes man or woman wishing to use your inner pain to spin an new CD you are putting out. At some point you are going to have to open you mouth and say, "I should not have hit him." What happened to you should have never happened. What happened to Chris should have never happened. You both are not victim and perpetrator, but victim and victim that perpetrated the demise of what could have been a healthy relationship. Before you try to be an advocate, you need to close this chapter, and get professional help for your anger and other issues that STILL have not been resolved since that night, or the other times before when things went wrong. PRIVATELY. Your public disgrace got people talking and didn't allow for you to deal with it privately. Our sex, love, passion, friendships can often blind us from who we really are and what we really deserve from the ones that supposedly love us.That hole won't go away. Your relationships with others will always suffer until you deal with it. PRIVATELY. Your pain reflects on to others. That won't change because you have not owned it, confessed to all involved and sought help. Rihanna you can never represent the victims until you acknowledge that you are also a perpetrator as well. Until then you are just another person that was beaten and have also hit others. If you have to lie or hide to the public, do so, but don't lie to yourself. You will only grow to hate the person you are, and continue to harbor the very thing that makes you get angry and become violent as well. It will continue in your future relationships and may cause you your Triumph in the end. Be blessed, but seek help. http://www.womenabusingmen.org/ http://www.themenscenter.com/National/national01.htm http://www.abusedwomen.org/ http://www.awap.org/ Bettyboopbbw.

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