created by LJKnight

by LJKnight 06/02/2009 at 03:31 PM

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I was recently told by an older female acquaintance that I am selfish. This was after I explained to her that I rather wait until I am more successful in my career before I have children. You should have seen the look on her face. "Why?" she asked. "Because, I don't want the responsibility of a child at this point in my life. I want to put my energy into my career and me and then when I'm more financially stable and feel I'm ready to become a mom, I'll have a kid." Her eyebrow raised and a look of "Well, don't you think you're better than me!" covered her face. She then proceeded to tell me that I was selfish. I cheerfully agreed. Before I delve deeper into this blog I want to start by saying that I love kids. I also eventually do want to have  a child of my own. However, I think that as a woman you should allow yourself the time to grow and mature before you start a family. Live your own life and discover you. This includes career-wise, emotionally, what you do and don't want in a husband/father for your children and more importantly, what kind of a mother do you want to become.   Also, let’s be honest here. There are some excellent dad's out there but in many cases, the woman is the primary caregiver. She is the one that must give up her body, career, time, over to this child. She is the one getting up in the middle of the night wiping noses and making trips to the emergency room. She is usually the one who is making the sacrifices. That is something that I simply am not ready to do. It saddens me when I see young women who have not had the chance to fulfill their dreams and now feel stifled or trapped and make it terribly obvious to their child and others that they are unprepared and are burdened by the child. It also sickens me when I hear of young women who throw their babies in garbage cans or shake them to death because they never knew how beautiful and equally difficult being a mom could be. The truth is they simply were not prepared. So yeah, be selfish. If that means waiting until you are older and more financially, emotionally, and mentally prepared to care for a child then wait. Wait until YOU'RE ready. Once you do, know that although it comes with many wonderful moments, it also comes with its share of challenges. Sometimes I joke with my friends when I hear about someone having a baby with someone they have dated for 2 months. " It’s like pouring a glass of juice”. Having a baby is not even a monumental event in a person’s life anymore because it happens so easily now. It is almost like getting up and pouring a cup of juice. It makes me want to yell "Hello! That is a person! A living being that YOU are now responsible for!"   What this ultimately means is taking the precautions to prevent pregnancy. I realize that for many abstinence is a nonexistent approach and birth control isn't used as often as needed. It breaks my heart when I see a nineteen year old girl walking down the street or struggling to get on the bus with her three kids ages ranging from 1, 3, and 5 and a stroller to boot. I wonder where were the people who should have been there to guide this young woman and protect her from entering into this trap? Yes, it s a trap. A trap that many are never relieved from. It unfortunately weighs some down until they eventually give up on pursuing any dreams of their own because reality calls for them to be a mother and provider. I'm Selfish. Selfish as hell