Last year a photo of myself and a male friend, who happens to play football, was posted on MediaTakeout.com under the over used-heading “New Couple Alert!!”  In addition to false heading was another comment on the accompanying photo which read something like “Awwww, Melyssa finally found an NFL’er to wife her up!”

Really? Thanks for the free press but is it too much to ask some of these blogs to do a tiny bit of fact checking? How about a little journalistic integrity? It’s a lost art form, I tell you. My favorite was when Bossip.com posted an elaborate story on me dating Raekwon, from Wu Tang, which had been conjured up by his very imaginative marketing team and/or publicists. To this day, I’ve never met him, and Bossip didn’t feel it was important enough to ask me if I was even acquainted with Rae, much less his new “boo”.

This is what comes as part of the package deal with visibility, celebrity and just being in the public eye in general so in no way shape or form am I making an appeal for sympathy. I take this foolishness with a grain of salt and move on with my life.  It’s part of the publicity game to use relationships or “faux-relationships” to push projects like upcoming albums, movies, books etc; any tactic can be used to introduce or reintroduce someone to the limelight and get lips a flappin’.  Integrity evidently doesn’t exist in this world, neither does loyalty or honesty; but one would hope that both parties are aware of the situation before its plastered on computer screens around the country, or for that matter, the world.

But I’m getting off topic.  My main gripe is the fact that the average single woman in this business is under constant attack; she may as well have leprosy or some other communicable disease! Everyone stands around, gossiping about who her rumored conquests and bed fellows have been, pointing and shaking their fingers at her as if she’s walking around with a scarlet letter on her chest. Judging her based upon rumor and innuendo, rather than celebrating her for not becoming one of the rising statistics of women spending money paying for divorce lawyers, who entered into a union, perhaps fool heartedly because she couldn’t stand the pressure that society places upon us to FIND A MAN AND GET MARRIED! At the same time, their pity for her is so evident you would think that singledom is equivalent to a life sentence, as if every unattached woman is supposed to be hoping against hope that someone will come along and parole her from having to put on the brave face for the masses and act like she’s happy.
And forget about her professional pursuits; that’s only a beard, for once those 4 karats are slipped on her finger she can give up the charade, sit the down and pop out some kiddies…

Gimme a break.

If societal perception was to be believed than the single man is biding his time and weighing his options; a single woman is lonely and desperate and wishing upon every star in the damn sky that her Prince Charming is gonna pull up in a Bentley, throw some diamonds and cash her way and say “C’mon girl, you MY b*tch now. I‘m claiming you.”

My total embrace of my chosen single lady status has me wondering, have I simply become disengaged from the affects of  The Cinderella Complex? This is something that, primarily, women suffer from, which is the direct result of being force fed the fairy tale dream, the “happily-ever-after” ending we’re all expected to pursue. So many women are taught, not only is the ultimate goal of achievement landing a man, getting that rock on your finger, settling down and popping out some kids, but that it is our duty as the female of the species to procreate; otherwise our entire existence is considered, what, frivolous??? Get the f*ck outta here!!

How about we celebrate every woman who defies society’s standards, embraces her individuality, refuses to enter the institution of marriage because of its mental and emotional confines and decides for herself not to have children, her reasons possibly being because there are so many who are born into less than desirable circumstances and/or tossed away like garbage?

Call me a commitment-phobe, call me whatever you want. My main objection to commitment usually involves a life long contract tied to some technological service provider, not to dating or relationships.  But I’ve gotten to the point in my life, as woman who has thrown her heart down on the crap table and come up with snake eyes a few times (but also with some very good relationships thrown in there as well) that I know when I WANT to care about someone else’s feelings, outside of my own. Sometimes, I just do not have the capacity to care whether someone else’s day was good or bad, that they have a sick relative, that they have financial issues, whatever.  From my observation, not many people think far and long enough about what they’re willing to do or to give up for another person, so you see a lot of people existing within miserable relationships and marriages.  They feel trapped, but why? The flip side to that is someone, usually women, who invest way too much effort and time in a relationship hoping that he will open his eyes and SEE what’s in front of him.  Too many times we fall in love with someone’s potential, rather than who they currently are. We slowly become their crutch and allow them to continue on with their bad behavior. No thanks, I’m good!

My friends and I have witnessed each other in failing relationships/marriages and to feel like you cannot escape that spiritually draining, life essence sucking, all encompassing pain is the most ridiculous thing in the world; unfortunately hindsight is 20/20 and most of us, once out of said relationship wonder out loud, “Why didn’t I get out sooner and save myself all that time/energy/money/pain/love?”

It was just after a relationship that should have expired like skim milk that I let fester and rot until it ceased to exist that I began to release the idea that I need a guy to save me, co-sign me, care for me, take care OF me, love me, take my daddy‘s place and be my pillar of strength. I looked around and realized the love I was seeking was right in front of me; that my large group of true friends (and I surprisingly have a lot of them) are some amazing human beings who contribute to the greater good of our community and our world. Their love for me made me rediscover my love for myself and all at once, I discovered I AM a whole person, one who is no longer seeking “my other half” in order to define my whole self. If it’s God’s will that whoever my soul mate is shows up and we create another existence called He & I, well Praise Him! (hand up in the air, head bowed, eyes closed.)

You can tell a lot about a person by the friends that hold them in their hearts; by all accounts,

I’m a fu**n rockstar because of who I have chosen to be enough for me. Yeah, the nights alone suck sometimes, but then I think to myself that my peace of mind is priceless, my individuality is a blessing, my youth is a gift and my choices are my own. Sleep comes easy.

And when it doesn‘t, well, there are always battery operated devices…

Would love to hear your thoughts?

Love,
Melyssa  
Hit me up on twitter http://twitter.com/mellyford