First, let me start by saying violence is wrong. Domestic violence is absolutely unacceptable by any means and I condone no such thing.
Now that that’s out of the way and hopefully understood … by now, unless you live under a rock, you have heard about the altercation between the overly eccentric baller Chad Johnson and reality TV star Evelyn Lozada.
The two got into an argument on their way back home from dinner, which led to Ev supposedly getting head-butted, Chad ultimately being arrested and soon after, getting dropped from the Miami Dolphins. All over a box of condoms.
In my opinion, this relationship was doomed from the get-go. While I am surprised something so tumultuous went down this quickly after the two tied the knot just a little over a month ago, I’m not surprised Chad was evidently cheating on Evelyn or had intentions of cheating, judging from the receipt she found in the car. And quite frankly, I don’t understand why Evelyn is so taken aback by her prophylactic discovery.
Given athletes have this male-whore stigma; since chicks constantly throw the panties at them, what was more of an accurate signal for Ev, were Chad’s actions leading up to the wedding. Granted, I don’t know every waking detail of the couple's relationship, I would like to point out some public and clear signals that Evelyn and many women miss while pursuing their hope of true love.
If you’re an avid Basketball Wives watcher, you know that Evelyn addresses Chad’s possible infidelity on several occasions throughout the show.
In one episode, she pressed him about having a lunch date (that she didn’t know about) with a girl he claimed was a “female friend.” *sideeye* Now I’m not saying your significant lover can’t have friends of the opposite sex, but if you guys are supposedly “serious” and on the verge of a life long marriage, secret lunches and out of the blue “friends” are not the greatest thing for a healthy trusting relationship.
Now, in the last season of BBW (by this time the two are engaged and planning a wedding), Evelyn has a talk with Chad after she’s been swarmed with rumors via Twitter that he hasn’t been so faithful.
In the episode, a frustrated Evelyn begs of Chad to just tell her when he is about to cheat and ironically, she even says that she wants to know when he goes to the store for condoms! She says:
“I want you to be 100 with me. I’d rather know. Tell me. I wanna know. Go to the pharmacy and get condoms. I’mma be sick like a motherf–ker but what can I do but respect you and know that you’re telling me the truth rather than hide it. Because at the end of the day you don’t have to tell me nothing. I don’t want to have to babysit you but I’d rather you be real with me because Lord knows what could happen.”
At this point, she has pretty much accepted any infidelity to come. Chad responds with:
“I’m still working to be the man you want me to be.”
Umm… red flag! Red flag! On the brink of marriage, there should be no “still working to be the man you want...” This person should already be the man you want.
Now you’ve found a receipt for condoms in the car that you know aren’t for you, can you be surprised?
A cliché that haunts us, that our conscious chooses to ignore is, "you cannot change a man!" You see, we hear it all the time, but for some reason for some of us it’s hard to stick. So let me say it one more time.
If Evelyn did not want a man that cheats (which I'm sure is a preferred trait for most of us) she should not have went along on this ride when these red flags were waving, jumping and doing flips right in front of her, especially not along for a ride of marriage!
And this is where the second cliché phrase that we love to ignore comes in. Set your standards! Say what you want. If that can't be appeased, it may be hard (especially if they're one of those extremely charming, good with words types) but you should pull the breaks. As my good friend Isaiah says, "halt and look both ways."
The moment you have accepted cheating, your chances of getting your man to be absolutely faithful are slim to none. It’s not impossible, but more than likely it will be when he’s ready, if ever at all. 99.9 percent of the time we know when someone, especially a man, has traits or habits that we can’t live with. So once you recognize that, move on.
Unless you’re willing and prepared to turn the other cheek at that box of condoms, or lipstick on his collar, or panties in the car, and not bare one ounce of frustration - but you cannot change him! This goes for cheating, lack of ambition, immaturity, insecurities, and any other piece of baggage you can name.
My lasting words for Evelyn? Experiences like this happen all the time... but the key is to get your detection skills up! Live, learn and know what you want and what you can tolerate and above all else, set those standards ladies (and fellas). Set 'em!
- Evanka W. <3
Evanka Williamson is the Weekend Editor for GlobalGrind.com Follow her on twitter, @LOVEvanka