"Jennifer, Do You Want To Kill Yourself?"

At the moment though, it was too hard to count blessings when you're too tired to even see. Did this sound like a person with a weak constitution? Someone who would kill themselves and take away everything I had worked so hard to attain?Are you suggesting my symptoms aren’t real, like so many others before? That somehow this is all due to stress or maybe some kind of imbalance? I’ve been offered anti depressants, Valium, Ativan, Klonopin, enough to start a small drug ring. I had been tested for MS, Lupus, Lyme Disease, hepatitis, rheumatoid arthritis and a slew of others. All of which turned out to be negative. Not to mention the numerous colonoscopies, barium enemas, MRI’s, CT scans, x-rays, nerve tests and so much blood taken that I could have filled a river’s worth. I’ve been told I had Epstein Bar, irritable bowl syndrome, chronic fatigue and treated for an fathom parasite that was never actually found. All of which I was given some sort of medication and a suggestion to see a therapist. That all this could be some sort of depression.

How is it when doctors can’t figure out your symptoms it somehow becomes your mind? I was so tired of explaining and begging people to help me. I felt so ignored! I’M NOT CRAZY! PLEASE DON’T SEND ME AWAY WITH A PRESCRIPTION FOR VALIUM AND A NUMBER OF YOUR FAVORITE THERAPIST!! I DON’T NEED ANTIDEPRESSANTS, I NEED HELP!!!!!!!!!   Nothing, silence, a small sigh is all that came out of me, that and tears.