Phillip grew up in Tallahasse, Florida the son of a Jamaican-born Christian pastor. His father, reflecting the values of his church and his upbringing, was described by Phillip as extremely homophobic and intolerant of lifestyles that conflicted with his church. As a child, Phillip attended a private Christian boarding school and at age 13, Phillip experienced a tragic loss of innocence when he was drugged and raped by a classmate. Feeling traumatized and unable to confide in anyone, Phillip says his identity as Phillip Hudson froze. His emotions were kept inside and he created an alternate female persona in his mind as a way of dealing with an experience no 13 year old child could comprehend. Phillip turned to female hormones as a way of coping with the emotions he was forced to hold inside for fear of what his family would do if they knew.
In high school, life got even worse for Phillip. Instead of worrying about typical high school dilemmas involving prom and graduation, Phillip was forced to deal with the psychological trauma of being gang raped on film (the tape of which Phillip says was distributed around the school). Phillip decided against holding it in as he did at age 13 and told his father he had been raped not only then, but 3 years prior. His father’s response was to call his son a “faggot." This was one of the very first times he would hear the slur directed at him and it reaffirmed his outlook on his father and the unlikelihood that he would ever gain his respect and acceptance
Feeling his father cared more about protecting his image as a pastor than about his own son, Phillip started going to gay clubs and planning to move out of his emotionally toxic household. Phillip says his father found female clothing and wigs in his room and destroyed his stuff instead of trying to understand what his son was going through. Phillip says his father’s intolerance of his lifestyle fostered in him a self-hatred that would stay with him for years and cause him to act out in several ways.
“The first man to ever say the words ‘I love you’ was a well-known record producer in the industry at the time. He was someone I attached to because I had never heard the words ‘I love you’ before from a man other than him! He told me I would be a beautiful girl and he agreed to pay for my transition!
It was a male producer. I will not disclose his name publicly because of his current status as a mega producer! He approached me during a few of my club performances and told me I would be more beautiful as a female. So in a way he was trying to turn me into what his preference would be. He was the first person of the male sex to tell me that he loved me. At the time I guess you can say we were dating on a more personal level and money never was an issue for him. He was the one who paid for everything. By the time he stopped I had already made the connection to get the hormones myself!
I thought if my dad wont accept me as being a male I’m going to turn into a female … I started taking hormones when I was 13, only because I didn’t get any attention at home. Some people turn to drugs and weed and alcohol and all that other stuff when they’re going through stuff. My addiction was female hormones.”