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In her first official interview since we learned that southern chef Paula Deen likes to use the n-word, she told stories, cried and ultimately gave us the “it is what it is” shrug while talking to Matt Lauer.

Paula appeared on the Today show this morning to defend herself against racist allegations and Lauer’s questions were appropriately no holds-barred.

At one point he straight up asked her, “are you a racist?” She replied with a simple no and then gave an account of the “only” time she used the word.

“The day I used that word was a world ago — I had a gun put to my head.”

But Paula was confused whether the n-word was actually racist. When asked what she thought other people think of the slur, she said:

“I don’t know, I have asked myself that so many times. I go into my kitchens and hear what these young people are calling each other. It’s very distressing for me. I think for this problem to be worked on these young people are gonna have to take control and start showing respect for each other.”

At some point she started to sob.

“I believe that every creature on this earth — every one of God’s creatures — was created equal,” she said. She also insisted she’s not racist and that there have been “some very hurtful lies said about me.”

She then cried out this dramatic, southern semi-adage.

“If there’s anyone out there that has never said something that they wish they could take back, please pick up that stone and throw it so hard at my head that it kills me,” she said. “Please. I want to meet you. “

Eventually, she left Lauer with this:

“It is what it is, people make mistakes.”

Which is true. But Food Network, Smithfield and throng of fans aren’t trying to hear it.

Do you think Paula should be forgiven? Watch the entire segment above to see her defense.

SOURCE: Today