Today marks the start of the 2012 Summer Olympics. That’s right, let’s all pretend to get hyped for our country then forget what time it’s airing / what channel it’s on. Don’t worry, we all do it; that’s why we have Twitter and SportsCenter.
STORY: She’s Out! Greek Olympian Kicked Off Team For Racist Twitter Joke
Besides; out of the 26 sports, 39 disciplines, and 300-plus events, they are too hard to keep track of anyway. It’s difficult enough to name five Olympic athletes, not including Michael Phelps or any of the USA Men’s Basketball team, even though about 10,500 athletes from 204 countries participate.
The Olympics also loses its importance when it starts letting any afternoon hobby turn people into “Olympic Athletes.” Here are the twelve weirdest sports in the Olympics … speed walkers anyone?
[pagebreak]
Speed walking:
This looks like the most uncomfortable race you can participate in. Watching them waddle makes it look like these guys had coffee and Chipotle before the race, and there’s only one bathroom stall at the finish line.
[pagebreak]
Badminton / Table Tennis (Ping-Pong):
These two sports should just be combined and be called “easier tennis.”
[pagebreak]
Equestrian:
If the sport requires you to spend thousands of dollars to even afford to do, and you’re riding on the back of an animal you’re whipping ‘it’s not a sport.’
The only competition in equestrianism is to see who’s been skipping the most meals to stop weighing down the horse.
[pagebreak]
Fencing:
Not saying fencing isn’t kind of cool. There’s a reason why every little kid in history has pretended to sword-fight at some point, because it’s awesome. Adult males would still do it today if they didn’t feel stupid doing it in public.
But, unless you have a problem with somebody 400 years ago, it’s useless. And unless you’re a rich kid from England, how can you even learn it?
[pagebreak]
Handball:
This isn’t the type of handball you played with your friends against a cement wall. This is some strange combination of soccer and ultimate frisbee. But chances are, if you’re not a white kid in a fraternity, you haven’t played, or heard of, the made up sport ultimate frisbee before. So look it up if you’re interested.
[pagebreak]
Sailing:
Simple, if you can do the activity while smoking a cigar, it shouldn’t be an Olympic Sport.
[pagebreak]
Hammer Throw:
They already have so many other sports, why would they add this one?
Any sport you can invent while drunk in your father’s tool shed shouldn’t count.
[pagebreak]
Trampoline:
If you told any 6-year-old they could be an Olympic trampoline gold-medalist; they would stop trying to be a doctor or lawyer real quick, and you’d have two very disappointed parents. But if you’re good at it, all the power to you.
[pagebreak]
Mountain Biking:
Mountain biking is dangerous and not easy, but can’t be an Olympic sport because it already has its place in society. It’s one of the top five excuses middle-aged-white-men use to get away from their wives when they go to Vegas for the weekend.
[pagebreak]
Synchronized Swimming:
Synchronized swimming is basically ballet in the water. It’s definitely difficult and requires plenty of skill, but pool volleyball isn’t an Olympic sport. Not fair.
[pagebreak]
Steeplechase:
Yes, this is a real race. It’s a race that is derived from a horse race of the same name. It is a long-distance race with four hurdle obstacles, and one of them has a pool of water behind it.
The race itself is a great test of athleticism, but why combine long distance with four hurdles, and a pool of water, when there are already long distance races, hurdling events, and aquatics? It makes no sense.
[pagebreak]
Shooting:
Respect Olympic shooters because many of them are also officers of the armed forces. Anyone would watch a shooting competition, but maybe it shouldn’t be in the class of Olympic sports…
