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Sports: Mickey Mouse Noticeably Avoids A-Rod During Trip To Disney World
www.theonion.com - ORLANDO, FL—Members of the Yankees couldn't help but notice that the resort's iconic mascot Mickey Mouse made a special effort to avoid Alex... view details...
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Who Swoons Over 'New Moon'? (by Jackie Harvey)
www.theonion.com - Item! Guess which vampire franchise is?hold on. I'm going to let you finish, but first let me say that Jackie... view details...
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Fed Bans Debit Overdraft Fees
www.theonion.com - The Federal Reserve is prohibiting banks from collecting overdraft fees on purchases paid with a debit card unless customers opt in to programs that... view details...
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Report: Fiber Optics Not A Real Thing
www.theonion.com - BOSTON—Members of the world's engineering and telecommunications communities admitted Tuesday that fiber optics, the supposed technological... view details...
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[video] Obama's Home Teleprompter Malfunctions During Family Dinner
www.theonion.com - Officials say the President's home teleprompter is simply a tool to make sure pillow talk with Michelle or conversations with his Mother-In-Law go smoothly. view details...
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In Focus: Oprah Stuns Audience With Free Man Giveaway
www.theonion.com - CHICAGO—The season premiere of The Oprah Winfrey Show unleashed a surprise for viewers Monday, when host Winfrey presented her studio audience with an unexpected gift: eligible men. view details...
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ABC Cancels 'Hank'
www.theonion.com - After airing five episodes, ABC has canceled the Kelsey Grammer disgraced-CEO-returns-to-small-hometown sitcom Hank. What do you... view details...
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Greyhound Now Offering Direct Service From Kansas To L.A. Porn Director's Driveway
www.theonion.com - DALLAS—In an effort to reduce travel times for thousands of customers every year, Greyhound Lines announced Monday that it will now offer... view details...
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In Focus: Chinese, Ants Announce Alliance
www.theonion.com - BEIJING, CHINA--The people of China and the world ant community signed a treaty that will establish close relations between the two civilizations. view details...
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Sports: Kansas City Fails To Pick Up Option On Royals
www.theonion.com - KANSAS CITY, MO—In an expected move Wednesday, the City of Kansas City declined to pick up their 2010 option on the Royals baseball club,... view details...
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Nation's Fast Food Patrons No Longer Trusted To Dispense Own Ketchup
www.theonion.com - WASHINGTON—"We tried to treat our customers like adults, and they took advantage of our generosity," said Burger King CEO Brian Thomas Swette, who was visibly upset after hearing that Americans on view details...
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