Today (September 4) I turned 31 years of age….like many of you reading this blog I don’t know who my biological father is. First, I am grateful to God for my mother who was the vessel that brought me forth into this world. She is my hero and this morning she told me ‘You have turned out to be more than anyone could have imagined’. I smiled.
But there has been something eating away at me for the last few years. I didn’t know how to go about doing it nor did I have the consistent desire to want to know. Because it felt irrelevant. But now I do. I have to know….I want to find out WHICH man is my father.
I say ‘which’ because my mother shared with me that she was in between relationships with two men when she found out she was pregnant with me. Stop, please don’t judge my mother and don’t think this blog is an embarrassment to her. She agreed that I share this and she agreed to help bring closure to this not just for me but for her as well….maybe you can help too. Read on.
One man, named Joe McCray, she was with for years. He has my dark complexion and she describes him as a man who was helpful, nice, business-minded, committed to his endeavors, a overall good person, and was loved by my family. He worked for several years at a service station in a prestigious area in Houston because the White owner trusted him. Once that owner died, Joe got involved in drug dealing. This was the same man that was coming by my grandmother’s home weekly bringing me toys as a child but I was only told he was my ‘Godfather’ and nothing more….but my mother said Joe always felt he was my father. He was always dropping off money to her at her jobs to take care of me. What do you think about Joe?
The second man, named Earl Rideaux, became my mother’s boyfriend within two months of ending her relationship with Joe. She moved in with Earl and his family in Northeast Houston. She describes Earl as a man who was sorry, lazy, didn’t like to work, and didn’t do hardly anything for her after having me. It was even during her stay that she got caught up in their ring of hot check writing before she finally broke free and moved out. What do you think about Earl?
My mother said she assumed Earl was my father because I had long legs and arms like him, although I looked more like Joe. She really didn’t know, just assumed. His first name even became one of my middle names. So I carried his ‘signature’ for years. I met Earl my senior year in high school at one of my last basketball games in ’97. At first I wasn’t really trying to make a connection and I didn’t see any resemblance….but I gave it a shot. Tried to follow up with him….he disappeared.
I want to know which one it is and so does my mother. But here are the challenges!
#1 Joe was reportedly killed in a drug-related shooting around 1988. My mother doesn’t have any connections to any of his family members. Should I dig up his records online? File for a death certificate? How could I go about finding his family members? Would this help my endeavor?
#2 Earl is still living in Houston somewhere and was on drugs. My mother last saw him in a bad condition at a gas station within the last five years. He told her he had been shot in the stomach. She believes one of his sisters is still residing in the same Northeast home. She I try to reach her? Should I hunt him down to get a DNA test? Do you think he would be willing to do it?
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