Well hello there summer, we’ve been waiting patiently for your arrival since you left us with a cold breeze last September. But now that you’re back, we know that a few people are going to try to abuse the warmth and sunrays that you bring with eyesores masked as fashion choices.
See, in the winter, things are a bit easier, as most of the fashion atrocities are covered up in jackets, sweaters and the like, but alas, we would like to put into writing the things we should see no more!
After much deliberation, the team here at GlobalGrind has collectively decided that summer fashion should be void of a number of things, like baggy shorts and …
10. White pants with bright colored or too-tight underwear.
Underwear is intended to be under for a reason, so we never have to be subjected to seeing them. White pants are a tricky fashion item to conquer, but approach it with nude or black underwear, never ever with fluorescent colors. In addition, thou shall not wear too-tight underwear that gives the illusion of 4 butt cheeks.
9. Booty shorts for the wrong body type
Denim shorts are fun for women, yes, but aren’t a one size fits all feat, nor are they acceptable for all body types and social functions. Please refrain from wearing shorts to your child’s graduation, PTA meetings or on casual Friday at the office. If they look like denim panties, don’t do it.
8. Wife beaters in any business establishment
Unless you’re hanging out near a beach, it would be greatly appreciated if undershirts remained under your shirts. There are plenty of fashionable tank top alternatives.
7. Men in jean shorts
The men in the office seemed to agree that jean shorts should be left in the nineties rap videos. Alternative? Cargo shorts and chinos.
6. Muffin tops in crop tops
You want to show some skin in the belly region, but aren’t exactly fit for it? We’re not saying you can’t bare a little belly, but opt for a high-waist bottom.
5. Socks and sandals
Clip those nails, file them down, clean them up and take those damn socks off. Please?
4. No Chinese slippers:
The summer of 2002 was prime time for the beaded mesh sandals coined with the name “Chinese slippers,” but unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you look at it) it’s 2013, and we’re not doing anything that involved any variation of those.
3. Bralessness
There are levels to going without a bra, and those levels involve bra sizes. The bigger the cup, the greater the chance that you probably should be slipping on some support. If you do decide to skip out on the bra party, be sure to not do so in events where you expect to be taken a little bit seriously.
2. High heels at the beach
Let us clarify, a cute pair of open toe wedge sandals at the beach isn’t what we’re here to quarrel with, but stilettos by the pool when you aren’t partaking in a photo shoot, and sinking in the sand on a regular visit for a tan and a swim, isn’t the best idea for impressing anyone.
1. Un-pedicured feet in sandals.
This is the biggest of sins when it comes to summertime rules. Please don’t get caught wearing this summer’s sandals with last summer’s pedicure, the toe Gods will frown upon you.
Have you committed any of these summer sins in the past? Shhh, don’t admit to them, you have a whole season to start strapped with new knowledge.
