Now that I’m 30, I can admit that I was dead wrong for the majority of my life. My teens and 20’s were entirely selfish and crazy. Oh yeah, you too? Cool, so we’re kindred spirits perhaps. So lets talk about it…
The end of my 20’s has been a spasm of unfulfilled expectations. I was freaking the F*ck out! It’s like, I’m 30?! I should be married; I should have had one and one half children by now! I should, I should, I should… I’ve fallen short! And you know what? Let me steal a Tyra Banks line (am I really quoting Tyra? Lame, but stay with me) and smack my imaginary fat ass and say SO WHAT?
(thats not my butt in the pic above, im just trying to keep you entertained)
A perfectionist personality will often freak out in situations that serve as benchmarks for “accomplishment”. Some people (me) really care about things like that. Again, So What! (booty smack) I have the right to say and do some wild crap, especially if I get it in right under the BIG 30 death toll date if I want! Thats called ‘youthful indiscretion’. I’m just “Do-ing Me!” as Uncle Russ would say…
For the record, and just so I can enter my new adult phase with nothing hanging around my neck as a “definer” of who I am anymore… as far as my blogs on Global Grind go, 90% of what I wrote to date was absolutely meant to amuse and entertain and has nothing at all to do with the boring reality of my life and how I live it. I live on a farm in the middle of nowhere. Things aren’t as “balls out” as they are in my writing. The ability to say crazy stuff that I’ve always wanted to put out there (and to do it unapologetically) has been so much fun for me. Hopefully it’s been a pleasure for many of you.
The reality of things hasn’t been nearly as exciting as the dramatic way I’ve laid them down. I don’t want breast implants and never had plans to get them—(until after I have a few kids and I start looking all National Geographic) I just wanted to write about boobs really really bad. Someone commented on that blog that she had lost all respect for me and “did I really think I was doing what God wants by getting implants?” Puzzling indeed! But, thought provoking. I never realized God had a strong opinion about breast implants. Feedback such as hers however has made me really entertained by how nutty ALL of us are, and its made me love this ability to interact with all of you….
What else? Oh, here is a good one: There was literally NO BEEF between Julie Henderson and I. There was no real relationship, other than a good friendship and love of the spirit of another human being between Russell and I. I think he is amazing and I love him. He’s been a mentor and a friend. He thinks I’m crazy and likes my writing style. Nothing I’ve written has been put out there without his blessing and permission and sometimes his active participation. I know Julie would say the same. We were just having a pro-wrestling extravaganza for the pleasure of the Internet gossip blog masses—and it brought people to GG (mission accomplished, for the site). Looking back on it, I regret the whole thing. Not so much because I don’t think it was very funny, well written, totally insane, and somewhat witty– but more because when people don’t know that you are just having fun and saying wild stuff they start to really feel hurt or incensed by your comments. Or, they feel an ownership over you. 
