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In today’s “Stories From Florida,” we meet a man high on ‘shrooms who declared himself God before spitting in a police officer’s face, and another proud Floridian who stole a front-end loader, leading police on a chase for over an hour.

We really couldn’t make this stuff up.

“God’s Gonna Cut You Down” 

Port St. Lucie police had to deal with a man calling himself God last month, after he broke into an apartment and urinated on the resident’s carpet. The suspect, Martin Najera, was high on mushrooms during the break-in. Police were called and things took a turn:

An officer tried to speak with Najera, but said Najera spit in his face. The officer told Najera he’d go to jail if he spit in the officer’s face again. Najera spit in the officer’s face again, and also punched him several times. When a rescue worker asked Najera his name, Najera said, “God,” and expectorated in the rescue worker’s face.

Gross. Najera was eventually arrested and placed on a $11,000 bond. Check out more details here… [Off The Beat]

“Hard Hat & a Hammer” 

St. Petersburg Police had a crisis of their own when a man driving a stolen front-loader led them on a semi-wild goose chase for 90 minutes.

Donald John Clark was under the influence when he stole a 20-ton front-loader from a construction site on Saturday night. Police tried to stop the 32-year-old several times, but he continued to drive the front-loader into different neighborhoods all over St. Petersburg. After causing thousands of dollars in damages, the vehicle ran out of gas and police were finally able to catch him.

This wasn’t Clark’s first time driving under the influence. Check out more details here…[Tampa Bay Times]

PHOTO CREDIT: Handout