I’m a Food Network watchin’, self-proclaimed chef, butter lovin’ food fanatic and I adored Paula Deen.
Operative word? Adored. As in past tense.
I have probably made everything from her show, Paula’s Home Cooking. Everything except the Krispy Kreme donut burger that probably gave her diabetes.
I value my life too much for that.
So imagine my disappointment when my southern, jolly grandmother-in-my-head admitted to using the n-word on occasion. And imagine my disgust when it was revealed that she thought a slavery-themed wedding for her brother Bubba would be “incredible.”
Paula, you disappointed me. You used to channel my black southern grandma so well. I almost believed you were one of us!
And I know you guys think I’m crazy, but this is factual proof that she was once a black grandmother:
She loves fat. Crisco, oil…but especially butter. Like butter people…
Butter with wine…
Butter the color…
Butter magic carpets. No guys…she is really, really into butter.
She loves pork, even though she knows it can be dangerous for you…
And she gets pissed if you’re in the kitchen and she’s trying to cook. Know your place dude…know your place.
She loves fried chicken so much, she makes it on every other show…
And eats it with waffles. Now that’s some black shit…
And every time she bites into it she acts like it’s God’s gift to the Earth…
She’s not afraid to get drunk at family functions and drop it like it’s hot…
And she doesn’t play when it come to her daytime shows…
And that bitch fries everything. Every. Fucking. Thing.
She has the “sugars…”
And she likes to kick it with her girlfriends, talk shit, and swap recipes…
Whenever she has company, she likes to overfeed her guests…
And she eats gravy. On everything…
And with one statement about a slave wedding and the n-word, she broke a lot of people’s hearts. We used to love you Paula. But now…we just don’t know.
At least we can still agree on one thing. Butter.
