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Yesterday was a frustrating day for me.
Work wasn’t really that bad. It was the usual sh*t, really: a Russell blog here, another man-eating-man story there.

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What was frustrating me, however, was Kanye West’s new sneakers, the Nike Air Yeezys II (the beast of a shoe you see a laughing Jay-Z rocking above.) I want them. Badly. And yesterday I spent a good portion of my day trying to obtain them. 

We’re in a new era of sneaker collecting where Nike is trying to transition its way from long lines, robberies, shootings and moments like this.

They’re doing things online now. 

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So now instead of having us losers stand out on line for a week, they are having us losers fight it out on Twitter, creating complete Internet anarchy. I would summarize the process, but it’s a pain in the a*s, and I’m not in the mood, so here’s how Nike puts it: 

On the RSVP date, our store will send a tweet at a random time to begin our Twitter RSVP process, including a product specific hashtag (#tag).

Once registration is open, you must Direct Message (“DM”) the store within 60 minutes. The DM must include:

The product-specific #tag tweeted by the store

  • Your first and last name
  • Your shoe size (limit one).

Confirmations from the store will be sent via DM to those who have successfully secured their requested size. Shoes will be awarded on a “first respond, first serve” basis.

Confirmed recipients must pick up their product (in person w/ identification) from the store on the day of launch during the timeframe specified by the store. Unclaimed product will be announced

on Twitter and will be re-released at the store’s discretion.    

The store I had to Tweet at was the Nike store on Mercer Street.

Well of course I spent the day checking my Twitter, and finally when the damn Tweet came, I Tweeted to Mercer within seconds. Of course I got no response back. And Of course I went on a teary-eyed cursing fit. 

So here I am. One day away from the release of the biggest sneaker of the year and I’m nearly out of options. I did all the dumb-a*s raffles, checked all the spots and looked through the forums.

My last three chances are to wait for the Nike store online to randomly Tweet when they will be online (which can be when-f*cking-ever), get up super early and try this secret spot in New York City (which I’m not telling none of you bastards about) or the good ol’ fashioned way — with the third option being the most realistic. 

But, since I’m an adult now, and I can’t really risk doing a bid for a pair of kicks, it’s starting to dawn on me…I’m absolutely f*cked. I’m not getting a pair. I’m no celeb. I have no secret connects. I don’t know the special people Vado knows

Now that I realize I’m not getting them, I’m at peace. It’s cool, man. Really. I’m at the age where I can finally say It’s just sneakers. It’s time to move on.

I’ve got a lot of war scars from this sneaker game. I have done it all. I’ve gotten beat over the head on eBay for pair of Uptowns, hit homeless guys off with some Burger King so they can stand on line for me for some Foamposites, spent cold nights on lines waiting for Dunks and met up with scared Asian kids in a dark alley somewhere to trade Jordans.

This is a young man’s game, and I’m gonna let ya’ll compete on Twitter or Facebook or whatever the hell they got ya’ll doing now.

So to the people who got em, enjoy em; you have one less person to worry about.

(This entire post is voided, however, if a reader wants to hook a dude up. I promise no extra money, but I will provide an abundance of hugs <3.)

Hit me on Twitter, bruhs.

Dimas S. 

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