We all want our rappers to be authentic, but can a MC be too real? Too honest?
Those boundaries are about to be tested with the emergence of up-and-coming MC Chris Skillz.
Back when Chris was six years old, the Delaware-native was sexually abused by his older brother, an event that has scarred him for his entire 26-year existence, and at times, has caused him to be depressed to the point that he’s thought of suicide.
He doesn’t hide from any of these experiences.
Actually, he talks about them rather matter-of-factly and openly, during discussion and through his music.
Earlier this summer, Chris released his latest project, Before Dawn, a somber, powerful and introspective project that dwells deep inside the psyche of a man who has suffered from depression.
A little while ago, Chris Skillz stopped by the GG offices to talk about his new album, depression, the traumatizing situation with his brother and his struggles to find mainstream success.
GlobalGrind: Talk about you new project, Before Dawn.
Chris Skillz: It pretty much deals with depression, suicidal thoughts. In my community three kids lost their lives to suicide in a span of a month in a half, in the same high school. I, myself, deal with that on an everyday basis. I’ve been one of those ones who hurt myself, so I thought it would be important for me to talk about it in my music, so I can encourage young kids around where I live or worldwide to talk about it.
Depression is something you still struggle with?
Yes.
Do you take medication?
No. I talk to people here and there, but nah. I’m a person who doesn’t have health insurance, so it’s hard for me to get meds and stuff. I do smoke to try and help it.
For me, what I’ve been through, it’s pretty traumatizing. I’ve been sexually abused by my older brother who got deported to Spain, and that still affects me to this day. I’ve lived in shelters, etc. Sometimes I get down and my music is an outlet.
Do you worry how the public will receive all of this?
Nah, not really. There’s people that dislike it, just because the stuff I talk about is very graphic and not everybody has been though that. It is what it is. It helps me, and there’s going to be someone out there who it helps. So, I really don’t care what people think.
You’re very open and honest. Have you always been like that?
Not about the sexual abuse part. I started to talk about that probably in my late teen years, 16, 17, to friends and stuff. I remember specifically when I was 21, that was the first time I laid it down on wax, and it was the best feeling ever. Ever since then, I felt like I’ve grown, and I’m able to talk about that, and I’m not embarrassed.
What’s the feedback that you get?
I got fans from everywhere — they just hit me up, they’ll tell me their problems. Their feedback: crying, shedding tears. It’s a lot of positive feedback. I would just say, more or less, people sometimes, they’ll pour their heart out to me because they’ve been through similar situations. I just did a show for suicide awareness in down state Delaware. It touched a lot of people.
Do you feel comfortable being in that position?
Yeah, I do. I don’t always have the right thing to say, but I know people have taken their lives because there wasn’t someone there to listen. As my career gets further and further, I may not be able to talk to that person, but while I can, why not listen to them? I may not be able to give the best advice, but I can sure lend an ear and try to help the best way I can.
What’s your relationship with your brother like?
I haven’t spoken to him since I was probably like 20. The situation with that, when that first happened, and he went to court and all that, he didn’t get sentenced. But when my parents split, I was living with my mother, my other brother was living with my dad, and the brother who did that was living with me and my mom. So that kind of messed me up.
The whole situation with my mom — my mom disappeared out of my life forever, came back when I was like 17. I went to go visit her at her house, and she was like, ‘I got someone on the phone for you’ and it was him. My mom — she’s from Spain, and she just doesn’t think like Americans. I haven’t talked to him since then. My mother told me recently, ‘Oh, you were on MTV.’ I was like, ‘how do you know?’ I kind of knew it was him, because he’s a huge hip-hop head. He’s in Spain, but I have no contact with him.
Would you be open to patching things up?
No. I wish him the best in life. He has a child, which is my niece. I forgive him, but I don’t forget. It’s just a part of my life I need to move on with. I don’t need any relationship with him.
At what age did that happen?
Six years old.
Do you remember that pretty vividly?
Yeah. Detailed. In front of the judge and all of that. Sh*t sucks. It split up my family.
What’s the lowest depression has ever made you feel?
Suicide. I cut myself. I’ve owned a gun. When I was doing my stupid stuff in the streets, I would put it to my head and pull the chamber. If it wasn’t for my girlfriend at the time, I probably would have done something, because she helped me get rid of it.
You did dirt in the streets?
Little stuff, just to get by. Nothing crazy. I got a clean record. I had charges when I was in high school for fighting, but aside from that … nah. Nothing too crazy.
Now I do music full time, part-time to fund my music, legally. I work for the state of Delaware as a counselor, mentoring youth who’ve been molested, and the whole nine.
I never thought I would even see 26. I thought I would be dead, either by the hands of myself, or someone else. Because, like I said, I’ve always been a depressed kid.
What’s Delaware like?
Boring. I mean, there’s no taxes, that’s probably the only plus. I mean, Delaware is Delaware. We have Wyoming, Delaware. It’s more like a city. It’s really bad and urban, kinda like The Wire. It’s like that. But then where I live, Dover, it’s the capital, and it’s boring.
Would you say that’s why a lot of people are depressed out there?
Possibly, I don’t know. When I was in high school there weren’t a lot of kids who seemed like they were depressed. Nowadays it seems like it. I don’t know why. That’s why I want to tell my story, because maybe it might help those. Like the three kids that killed themselves in a month and a half at the same high school, the FBI is getting involved.
Talk more about the tape. You were inspired by these suicides, so based on that, you just went on a writing spree?
During the making of that I wanted to end it myself, four or five months ago, just because I was struggling, financially. I’m a kid who’s trying to reach my dreams, but they just seem so out of reach. A lot of people say: ‘Aren’t you happy you’ve been on MTV?’ I’m happy. I’m grateful. But at the end of the day I still got to do so much more. And then stuff with my mother and my family was just all taking a toll on me, again. And it helped me shake up that project. I didn’t know where I was going after my last project, Beyond the Sky. But I have a friend that’s a dope producer, and I was just like ‘Help me shape this project, so I can pour this out.’ And thankfully it came out how I wanted it to.
What’s the plan now?
Over the next six months, just push it as much as I can. I really feel like I’m sitting on something big, and I can go really far if I push it the right way. So far it’s doing good numbers-wise, but I’m still an unsigned, not-known artist, and I don’t have the funds to put it in front of everybody. I’m doing what I can.
Just Another Morning was one of my biggest tapes. That kind of set me up. Out of 150 something comments on DatPiff, four thousand, five thousand downloads, not one negative comment. When Sway debuted my video, “How I Feel,” it was kind of cool because we make different kinds of music. I talked to him about my project and he was like: ‘I’m going to download it because I dealt with that, too.”
Have you ever been teased about all of the things you reveal?
Only one person, and that was my ex-girlfriend. I’m not with that b*tch anymore. I talk about her in a song called “No History,” just the first verse. If you want to get to know me, just listen to that song.
What do you want the next year to be?
I just want my career to go. I’m tired of taking off to work, and doing all of this stuff. Music is my life, and it just sucks, because I’m struggling. I’m f*cking broke, sh*t sucks. I don’t want to get rich off of this sh*t, but I want to f*ckin be able to be comfortable and travel and touch people like hip-hop has touched me.
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PHOTO SOURCE: Chris Fulcher
