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Republicans, you’re too early. St. Patrick’s Day isn’t until Sunday. So why are you drunk?

Not sure what the Republicans are celebrating at the annual Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC), but they must be sipping on something because they keep on saying things that make no sense.

DETAILS: The Ol’ Switcheroo! Republican Senator Supports Gay Marriage After Son Comes Out 

Republicans, what are you drinking?

That drunk friend that digs themselves into a hole, embarrasses you by rambling on about things that don’t matter, and screaming angrily at people…

Republicans, why are you that friend?

I’ve done enough cringing today and even had more than a few “smh” moments while watching the Republicans crash and burn at their own event. 

Republicans, when will you pass out?

It’s too late…the damage has been done. And I’m done watching. It’s your turn to babysit our drunk Republicans. I’ll catch you up on what’s been going on.

Wayne Lapierre, the National Rifle Association’s (NRA) CEO, won’t stop screaming. He told the crowd today at CPAC that background checks won’t help fix gun violence in America. He also can’t stop repeating himself. Short term memory?

Then he started with the signature grandiose delusions of drunk people when he said that Democrats are “hating” on him.

Go home, Wayne Lapierre…you’re drunk.


Donald Trump is an angry drunk. He won’t stop being mad at President Obama. Oh, wait…he’s always mad at President Obama. At CPAC his disjointed, confusing and awkward speech was met with sub par applause and some funny tweets. So we’re not the only ones who noticed he was drunk. 

Trump said he was upset that President Barack Obama did not return his calls about a ballroom he offered to build. Salty. Then he told the crowd why Mitt Romney loss the presidency: because he didn’t talk about his money and success!

“I’m continually criticized by total lightweights all over the place,” he said. “It’s unbelieveable. When you see these guys on television, they can’t buy a clean shirt, and they’re saying ‘Donald Trump, he’s nothing.'”

He said that Romney should have, like him, touted his business success.

“Republicans and Mitt, and I told him this, didn’t talk enough about the things he did, the great things,” he said.

Basically making it rain on the crowd? Go home Trump, you’re drunk.


But Republicans on stage weren’t stingy with whatever they were drinking! When Think Progress went out on the floor to talk to 10 attendees about top Republican Rob Portman (R-OH) changing his stance on gay marriage since his son revealed he was gay, they got all self-righteous on the host. Then this little angry drunk lady only had one thing to say.

Irrational and too emotional. Go home Republican supporters, you’re drunk.


Marco Rubio, you are a walking contradiction. You probably are that drunk that swears they’re not drunk. At the CPAC, the Florida senator knew what his fellow Republican’s would love…an anti-abortion anti-gay rant.

“Just because I believe that states should have the right to define marriage in a traditional way does not make me a bigot,” 

But, it kind of does.

“The people who are actually closed-minded in American politics are the people who love to preach about the certainty of science with regards to our climate but ignore the absolute fact that science has proven that life begins at conception,” he continued.

Wait…I thought the non-belief of climate change was just a myth. There are people who don’t believe in global warming?

Rubio, have some water again. You are confused. Then go home Rubio, you’re drunk.


Mitt Romney, you’re throwing shade and it’s pretty obvious. Not much to say about the former presidential candidates speech. It was the first since he loss the election and CPAC attendees made him feel welcome when all the bro’s started chanting “MITT, MITT,” like they were in a frat house. But then he came out on stage to “Born Free.” The hell are you trying to say Mitt? A little while later, he started talking about “taking back the white house”…and “taking back the country.”

“In the end,” he said, “we’ll win for the same reason we’ve won before: because our cause is just and right.”

Am I the only one who’s catching these jabs, or no? 

Romney, you’re true colors are showing. Go home Mitt, you’re drunk

Honorable mentions?

How about South Carolina Gov. Nikki Haley encouraging voter disenfranchisement by requiring photo ID’s before you vote. Or her saying that the hardest part of her job is working with President Obama.

Or the Republican’s not inviting Chris Christie because he took a picture with President Obama during Hurrican Sandy? Shade.

Or the CPAC DJ, who’se music selection says how he really feels about the republican convention. One of the songs? “Some Nights,” by fun.

“What do I stand for? What do I stand for? Most nights I don’t know.”

Yeah, neither do we.

Put down the mic and go home, Republicans. It’s clear that you’re drunk.