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BIG BROTHER THANKS YOU!  PARDON MY RAMBLING, BUT….
IT’S GRAMMY WEEKEND IN LA AND IT’S MAKING ONE THING REALLY CLEAR… I CAN ENJOY EVERY MOMENT FROM EVERY PARTY FROM EVERY CELEB’S PERSPECTIVE… FROM MY LIVING ROOM!!  I KNOW WHERE EVERYONE WILL BE AT ALL TIMES.. BECAUSE THEY TWEET IT!  

I REMEMBER WHEN THE WORLD SCOFFED AT THE IDEA OF CAMERAS WATCHING OUR EVERY MOVE, PHONES BEING TAPPED, MICROCHIPS IN HAND TO TRACK PEOPLE DOWN, RECEIVING THE ‘MARK OF THE BEAST’… SOUNDED LIKE SOME SCIENCE FICTION SHIT!  IT SOUNDED LIKE SUCH AN INVASION OF PRIVACY.  WE IMAGINED HELPLESS HUMAN BEINGS LINED UP AROUND BARBED WIRE-LACED BUILDINGS, BEING HELD AT GUNPOINT BY ARMED SOLDIERS, FORCING US TO GET CHIPS EMBEDDED IN OUR HANDS…. OR DIE!!  

UNFORTUNATELY, BIG BROTHER IS SMARTER THAN A 5TH GRADER WHILE WE LINGER IN PRE-SCHOOL LOGIC.  THEY WERE CLEVER ENOUGH TO TURN OUR NIGHTMARES INTO TOYS!! THE CAMERA, THE MICROCHIP IN HAND, THE TAPPED PHONE ALL EXIST IN SEVERAL UBERFUN ADDICTIVE DEVICES… BLACKBERRYS, IPHONES, OUR FANCY LAPTOPS, SEXY GPS CLAD WHIPS!  THEY PLAYED RIGHT INTO OUR VANITIES AND WON!  

WITH THE DEVICES IN PLACE, ALL THAT’S LEFT IS A SOCIAL ‘NETWORKING’ (TRACKING) FORUM WHERE EVERYONE CAN REPORT ALL THAT IS HAPPENING EVERY SECOND OF EVERYDAY… TWITTER!  

I FELL VICTIM TO THE TWITTER BUG ALSO.   IT WAS GREAT TO BE ABLE TO CONNECT WITH SO MANY PEOPLE IN ALMOST REAL TIME.  AND EVEN AS I BACK OFF TWITTER, I CAN’T ESCAPE IT’S EYES!  I CHECKED MY ACCOUNT AFTER A PARTY LAST NIGHT AND THERE WERE SEVERAL OF THESE TYPES OF TWEETS.. ‘CHILLIN AT PRE-GRAMMY JUMP-OFF WIT MY BOY @AFFIONCROCKETT, @MYSWOLLNUTS, @YOMAMASDAD, @ETCETC..’.  BITCH, I DON’T KNOW YOU!!!!  STOP TWITCHIN (TWITTER SNITCHIN)!!  WHAT IF I HAD WARRANTS?!?!?!  WHAT IF THE FEDS WERE LOOKIN FOR @MYSWOLLNUTS?!?!?  NOW WE’RE ALL ACCOMPLICES!!

CONSIDER THIS A PLEA… TO ALL MY FAM, FRIENDS, AND PEEPS I NEVER MET.  STOP PUTTING YOURSELF AND EVERYONE AROUND YOU ON BLAST.  IT SEEMS LIKE HARMLESS FUN, BUT COULD COME BACK TO HAUNT US ALL LATER.  TO ALL MY CELEB COMRADES, IT’S TIME TO RE-ESTABLISH YOUR MYSTIQUE.  LESS IS MORE.  CONSIDER YOUR SAFETY.  STOP TWEETING ALL YOUR BIZNESS.  WHERE YOU ARE, WHO YOU’RE WITH, WHAT CAR YOU’RE DRIVING…  STALKERS, STICK-UP KIDS, KIDNAPPERS, AND MOST OF ALL.. BIG BROTHER THANKS US ALL FOR MAKING THEIR JOBS SO EASY!