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Lil Mama‘s career has certainly been through a roller coaster of events and emotions over the years, but she’s in a great place in her life.

The “Sausage” rapper sat down for an intimate interview with Complex, where she dove into a lot of sensitive topics, as well as her own growth as a woman.

Back in 2009, Lil Mama made headlines for hopping on stage during Jay Z and Alicia Keys‘ performance at the MTV VMA’s, and soon became the butt of jokes on the Internet.

Since then, her career has seen a lot of up’s and down’s, with the down’s being pretty hard on her.

In her newest interview, she opens up on some of the depression she went to following, as well as other essential topics we’ve all been wondering about.

On the aftermath of the incident, and how she dealt with all of the backlash:

“It hurt,” she says. “It took a lot of mental strength, spiritual strength, and physical strength, not to want to hurt others, not to want to hurt myself. A person could be damn near suicidal.”

On the anger she felt about Jay Z and Alicia Keys following the stage crash:

“I went through a tough time,” she says. “I did it to myself, because I’m the one who went up there. But them [Jay Z and Alicia Keys] not saying anything or even caring about the backlash…it taught me to be stronger and understand this is a business. That no one is here to protect you. It’s sad when the people we look up to as mentors don’t take the time out to let us know—‘I was angry, you did piss me off, but I forgive you.’ When you’re a young person, you’re never forgiven for the things you do. It’s America.”

On trying to get Beyoncé to go up with her on stage, and her refusal:

“As I’m walking, I stop, and I’m like—‘come on, come on, let’s go,’ to Beyoncé,” she says. “And she’s like, ‘What?’ She couldn’t believe it. I was trying to celebrate the city. Now that I’m a woman, how crazy would it have looked if she walked up there? They would have been like, [Beyoncé’s] jealous, she can’t stand to see [Jay Z] with another woman. And here I am, someone who’s not in that state of mind, not thinking that way, just caught up in the moment. I look back and think, damn, she was right. I was tripping.”

On the feud with the original creator of the “Sausage” jingle after he wasn’t in her music video:

“I let him know—you wanna be a part of it, come on out,” she says. “He told me he’d try his best to come, that nobody would want to drive him. I’ve been a part of tons of things, even before my professional career, where artists have said, ‘Hey, wanna come to my album release party?’ It could be across town. If I really want to go, I’m going to make it. Everybody made videos. Girls made a video. Guys made a video. It just so happened that mine was a production that was fire. It was hot. So now everybody wants a piece of it, whether it’s him or anybody else. More money, more problems.”

What do you think of Lil Mama’s outlook?