It hasn’t even been 24 hours since Drake and Future blessed us with their collaborative retail mixtape What A Time To Be Alive, and the hype surrounding the project is already at Kobe and LeBron levels.
The 11-track mixtape is essentially the sonic lovechild of Drake’s If You’re Reading This It’s Too Late and Future’s Dirty Sprite 2 with more bravado, more drug talk, and more references about turned-up trollops and salacious strippers.
Thought they’d get tired of rapping about it, but let’s be real, people aren’t tired of hearing it…yet.
Drake and Future may or may not have the answers when it comes to scoring a standup girl, but after listening to What A Time To Be Alive, there’s definite “do’s and don’ts” when it comes to bagging a bad bitch.
Just like most hip-hop albums in 2015, Drake and Future’s #WATTBA will be quoted on Twitter and Facebook at an alarming rate. And while we’re making it easier for those annoying people to bombard your timelines with frivolous rap lyrics, we’re also giving you a guide to live by, especially when it comes to snagging the bad Instagram model you’ve been stalking on social media for the past three years.
Yeah, this is for you.
Consider this a cuffing season cheat sheet.
Do: “I told em’ I’m back on my bachelor. I get focused on millions and everything.” – Future
Don’t: “Taliban on these hoes. Give a Xan to these hoes. Got ’em playing with they nose.” – Future
Do: “Just walked in with a girl that’s making triple what I’m making, what an entrance.” – Drake
Don’t: “Hit her sideways when I banged her. In the driveway on a Perc, I was sideways on a Perc.” – Future
Do: “I do not chase girls, but they run a mile for me. Say she gon’ ride for me, I’ll buy the tires for ya.” – Drake
Don’t: “I’m drinkin’ lean, they thought I died. I run with kidnappers, I’m talkin’ ’bout kidnappers. I’m talkin’ ’bout murderin’ niggas, I’m talkin’ ’bout carjackers.” – Future
Do: “I bought that new Celine…” – Future
“Live From The Gutter”
Do: “I watched my broad give up on me like I’m average. I went back inside the attic, count it up and started laughing.” – Future
Don’t: “I know them tears still fallin’ down on my last bitch. The money made me hungry, I’m a savage.” – Future
Do: “Seen this bad little jawn, she was perfect. I’ll let her push the foreign right now if she worth it.” – Future
Don’t: “I put the cocaine in the powder in the couch, homie.” – Future
Do: “Don’t hit me up when it’s good for you” – Drake
Don’t: “You look drained, you look exhausted. Girl them late nights ain’t good for you. Really starting to show on you.” – Drake
Do: “Haven’t even heard from you.” – Drake
Don’t: “Ungrateful…Your momma be ashamed of you.” – Drake
Do: “I’m lookin’ for paper in any city. I got a bitch located in every city.” – Future
Don’t: “Drafted, I’m gettin’ choose by these hoes.” – Drake
Do: “I just stick and move on these hoes.” – Drake
Don’t: “We got that purple rain for the pain.” – Drake
Do: “Oh yeah, Magic City on a Monday.” – Drake
Don’t: “Mix the liquors, course, with the sedatives.” – Drake
“I’m The Plug”
Do: “I got all exotic bitches you gon’ think I’m racist. I just called a gang of bitches out of immigration.” – Future
Don’t: “Percies for the bitches, Bishop magic Don Juan.” – Future
Do: “We do them favors, them bitches do cater.” – Future
Don’t: “60 naked bitches, no exaggeration.” – Future
Do: “I get guala on guala. I get them dollars on dollars. Then throw out them dollars, them bitches gonna holla.” – Future
Don’t: “We go fuck models. Then go fuck neighbors. Fuck all the strippers, then we go fuck waitresses.” – Future
Do: “Lobster and Céline for all my babies that I miss.” – Drake
Don’t: “Chicken wings and fries, we don’t go on dates.” – Future
“30 for 30 Freestyle”
Do: “Paternity testing for women that I never slept with. I’m legally obligated if they request it.”- Drake
PHOTO CREDIT: Splash