Naya Rivera hasn’t had much glee in her life over the last couple of years, but the actress is ready to get her joy back by opening up about some of the darkest times in her life.
The former Glee star stopped by The Real to dish on her new book Sorry, Not Sorry: Dreams, Mistakes, and Growing Up, and she was definitely unapologetic when it came to being open and honest. The mother-of-one even shared how her now-husband Ryan Dorsey reacted to the news that she got an abortion while they were split.
The 29-year-old writes in her memoir that weeks after first breaking up with Dorsey when they were teenagers, she found out she was pregnant.
PEOPLE Magazine reports:
Rivera and her mom drove to Planned Parenthood in Pasadena, California, where they figured they were far enough away from everyone they knew. Being extra cautious, they also wore wigs, hoodies and sunglasses. Admits Rivera, “We paid cash, leaving no paper trail, like it was a drug deal.”
In the aftermath, she became addicted to MTV’s Teen Mom. “I was so jealous that they got to keep their kids,” writes Rivera, who eventually told Dorsey years later and only after he signed a confidentiality agreement. (They wed in July 2014.) “Watching it over and over was a way of punishing myself. ‘What’s wrong with you?’ I’d ask myself.”
“I don’t think I ever emotionally healed from the abortion, which is why it is so mind-blowing that some people think having an abortion is the carefree girl’s No. 1 choice to keep on partying,” Rivera revealed in her book. “In reality, it is anything but an easy choice. In some ways, I think choosing to have an abortion is almost harder than choosing to have your child, because you make that choice knowing, or at least suspecting, that many moments of your life will no be tinged with regret.”
After she reunited with Dorsey and told him about the ordeal, Naya said his response made her love him so much more: “He said ‘I wish that I could have done something to make you feel like you could have trusted me with that information because I would have loved to have been there with you.'”
However, her 2013 relationship with Big Sean didn’t fare nearly as well. After he dedicated his song “IDFWU” to her following their breakup, she revealed, “I talked about that in the book. I had heard that song way before we weren’t together. I had made a request [people were already going to think it was about a girl or a relationship] to downplay that, for me. We had both been through a lot at this point, so why add fuel to the fire. Then the song came out, and it is what it is at this point.”
Naya Rivera’s book Sorry, Not Sorry: Dreams, Mistakes, and Growing Up hits stands on September 13th.