In March, CNN’s Van Jones said that Donald Trump officially became presidential after 45 managed to recite his speech writer’s words from a teleprompter without losing his train of thought. Mr. Jones was rightfully roasted on the timeline for his statement, and I’m prepared to face the same backlash for my belief in another reality TV hustler’s ability to rise from national infamy to presidential status.
Around the same time that Trump became Commander-In-Chief in Jones’ eyes, Cardi B announced that she was leaving VH1’s Love & Hip Hop after being paid in full by Atlantic Records. Fast-forward to today, her Kodak Black-inspired single “Bodak Yellow” is the top record in the country while Trump’s stock continues to plummet worldwide. So her and 45’s opposite inclines got me thinking: Despite all the bullshit Donald Trump has dumped on the modern image of the American dream, Belcalis Almanzar is damn near the only proof left that “the dream” is still alive.
Cardi’s rise shows the heights that true ambition can lead you to in a “free” society. And looking at her glow up next to the president’s trust fund-seeded, Russia-backed, hostile takeover, how can we discount her or anyone’s presidential-ness ever again?
If casual racism, materialism and hyper-sexuality are now acceptable in the Oval Office – and celebrity is the only job requirement – how is Cardi any less qualified than The Donald? And for those worried about experience, don’t worry, she’s also a reality star with proud ties to organized crime and fully-automatic Twitter fingers to clapback at haters. Almost 10 months in, that’s about the entirety of Trump’s presidential tool box, right?
When you look at the facts, Trump’s not half the hustler Cardi has proven to be in a quarter of his lifetime. Even though he’s the exact breed of sociopath that Thomas Jefferson and them built this country for, he’s somehow managed to bankrupt multiple companies and defraud millions of consumers. At this point, it’s clear that his only power comes from greed, fear, hatred and misinformation; So who better to run him out of office than the girl from the Bronx who used to run rich fools’ pockets on a nightly basis in the booty club?
Ever since Cardi announced that she wouldn’t be letting Mona Scott-Young‘s checks magnetize her anymore, the “Michelle Obama of the hood” has been an unstoppable force in pop culture. Not even Taylor Swift could drop the price of her single low enough to keep Cardi out of Billboard’s number one spot last week (yes, even discounted White privilege failed to hold her down) – and that’s just once of the many reasons why I now believe Cardi is the only American with enough juice to defeat the trust-fund slum lord who hacked Uncle Sam’s senile mind and continues to lead the human race towards extinction.
Cardi’s lane change to rap has been faster and smoother than Drake’s transition from Degrassi and her image is no more destructive than Eminem or N.W.A.‘s in their respective heydays. Really, in the era of a pussy-grabbing president, not even a video as wild as “Washpoppin” can be considered deplorable. And with many of today’s male rappers stuck in their feelings or on narcotics, it’s hard not to notice that murder mami’s like Cardi and Remy Ma are two of the only forces keeping Hip Hop’s hardcore essence alive on our timelines.
If the bars don’t speak for themselves at this point, the numbers do. Like Eric B. and Rakim, Cardi B ain’t no joke. And the only difference between her and the Donald at this point is that she built her fame from nothing while Trump has barely managed to stay lit off the fumes of his privilege and multi-million dollar inheritance.
Clearly, the son of a self-made man isn’t necessarily cut from the same cloth. But foul-mouthed young ladies that hail from the Boogie Down Bronx have a long history of portraying the real America when no one else will (gotta love H.E.R.).
You don’t need Common Sense or a co-sign from J. Cole to see that Cardi B is the rawest Hip Hop phenomenon we’ve had in a long time. And if we have to put up with a problematic president who was never actually elected, let’s at least go with a leader we can all trust to secure the bag, speak the truth and get it popping when the time calls for it.
Cardi B(.) is president. Only in America.