Subscribe
The Daily Grind Video
CLOSE

Desperate times call for desperate measures. We are living in dangerous times. Our economy is wack, there aren’t any jobs, milk is high, gas is high, people are wearing facial tattoos like it’s nothing, the world is getting hotter, the rich are getting richer and supposedly, we only have one year left on the planet, because the world will end in 2012.

The only thing cheap is the food which is terrible for you. If you do have a job and want to eat healthy, it’s gone by the time you reach Aisle Two in Whole Foods, which is why some people, we believe, are committing robberies: So they can eat and pay their outrageously high cell phone bills.

A day before the PlayStation Network crashed, one enterprising poor person decided to use his PS3 controller to rob a convenience store. He would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn’t been for those meddling kids. No, seriously. If a cop hadn’t walked in and if the clerk hadn’t alerted the cop, who knows how much loot the dude could have walked away with.

All we know for certain is the desperate individual had the controller in his pocket. We don’t know what type, whether it was a regular controller or a PS3 Move controller. We’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. No one is THAT stupid, no one would use a regular controller to rob somebody. That said, let’s take a look at the weird things people used in robberies. Welcome to Survivor: America.

[pagebreak]

A Backpack full of rocks.  

Three people used backpacks full of rocks to rob a Kansas City coffee shop on Tuesday. The robbery happened at a coffee shop called Coffee Wonk. Wonk Wonk Wonk. 

[pagebreak]

A Rampant Rabbit vibrator.

A guy in England grabbed the nearest gun shaped thing and used it in a robbery. The thing? A Rampant Rabbit, aka a vibrator. Nicki Jex decided to rob a bookmaker in the UK (the recession is world wide) and he would have gotten away with it if it hadn’t been for this pesky victim who decided to follow him to the pub where Jex bought his pals rounds of drinks. Some people need to just mind they business.

[pagebreak]

 

A sausage.

This reads like a terrible script for a twisted porno, but it’s true. Here are the facts: 3 men, an 8 inch kielbasa, a rub down with spices in bed. A slap in the face with said kielbasa. Disappearing evidence.

[pagebreak]

A blowtorch.

On April 4 police were called to the South Carolina Federal Credit Union in Summerville in reference to an attempted ATM robbery.  Police observed burn marks on a plastic access door to the machine and the combination lock. Bank representatives say the damage to the machine was $3,000.

[pagebreak]
A Banana.
John Szwalla, a 17-year-old Winston Salem, NC resident robbed a store with a banana. After entering the store and demanding cash with a damn banana sticking out from underneath his shirt, he was promptly tackled by the store owner and another customer. But Szwalla had the last laugh when he managed to eat the potassium packed weapon before police arrived; leaving authorities to photograph the discarded banana peel as the only evidence of the crime.
[pagebreak]
A camping shovel.
A white male in his 20s, six feet tall and 165 pounds, wearing black panty hose over his head and a bandana over the hose, police said, robbed a convenience store in Tulsa, Oklahoma, with a camping shovel. The robber reportedly entered the store, walked behind the counter, took cigarettes, told the attendant to open the cash register and demanded cash. Dude is still at large.
[pagebreak]

A giant stick.