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The Onion got my eyes red last night when they posted a tweet about nine-year-old Quvenzhane Wallis, the incredible young actress who blew us away as “Hushpuppy” in Beast Of The Southern Wild. As the Oscars went on longer than it took the Sanford Police Department to arrest George Zimmerman, I didn’t think it could deteriorate any further. Seth McFarlane’s humor got worse and worse throughout the night and he certainly didn’t have the comedic chops to save the out-of-date, boring awards show that really should be called “The Red Carpet…and some awards to a bunch of White people.” That’s for another blog at another time. Let’s stay focused on the nine-year-old starlet.

Out of nowhere, CHOP! Someone started cutting up onions in the kitchen and the tear ducts burst! A tweet hit the twitterverse that sent it out of orbit. For those who missed it, here is an original copy of The Onion’s declaration:

Now, don’t get me wrong, The Onion, yes the satirical newspaper/website, has some of the best writers in the game. They are some funny, witty and smart writers who have written some of the greatest headlines of all time. But whoever was on their Twitter last night was definitely NOT one of those writers. Dude scraped the bottom of the doodoo barrel when he called a nine-year-old child a “c*nt.” Seth McFarlane using her for a George Clooney-likes-young-girls joke was stupid enough, we sure didn’t need to continue digging our graves any deeper. I know it was suppose to be a joke and it’s The Onion, but that one should have been hashtagged #DaWhackness. For young women in this country, who already are denigrated on a regular basis by the misogyny of our American culture, we most definitely don’t need any more connections between children and sexist slurs.

And please don’t start with that First Amendment rap, that they can say whatever they want, this is America, wah, wah, wah. Yes, they are protected under our Constitution, so good for them that they are not going to sued, but they are NOT protected from the onslaught of anger expressed at their Twitter handle last night and this morning. And they are certainly NOT protected from an “un-follow” button, or “ain’t coming to your website again” button or a click of the “delete the tweet” button either. And that is precisely what some smarter person at The Onion did this morning, after they realized that they were lying in a big pile of…doodoo.

So, we carry on. We uplift this beautiful, young lady this morning (hopefully she is not on Twitter yet!) and we all go see Beast Of The Southern Wild (best movie of the year!). Because “in a million years, when kids go to school, they’re gonna know. Once there was a hush-puppy who lived with her daddy in a bathtub.” 

~Michael Skolnik

Michael Skolnik is the Editor-In-Chief of GlobalGrind.com and the political director to Russell Simmons. Prior to this, Michael was an award-winning filmmaker. Follow him on twitter @MichaelSkolnik