I always tell people that if I ever become famous I wouldn’t try to date another famous, beautiful model or actress.
Instead, I would drive uptown to Washington Heights, stand outside a Cuchifrito, and scoop me something nice.
(Having a bad, unknown woman by your side can do more for your stock than having an established face — call it the Amber Rose effect.)
Man, I love me some Washington Heights.
There’s no official data on this, but me and a couple of homeboys have done years of research, and we determined that, per capita, The Heights have the most beautiful women in New York City. (The women in the Heights >>> the snooty girls in the Meatpacking District.)
For my out-of-town brahs out there, don’t believe what you see on MTV. The Heights, especially in those prime May to September months, is Joe Budden’s Instagram come to life.
Saying something like Washington Heights has the most beautiful women in the city is really just code for Dominican women are the baddest females in the game.
And so, on this day, the Dominican Independence Day, I present why I’m so smitten Dominican woman.
Before I go on, let me just state this is my own personal experience. I’m a Nuyorican who was born and bred in Spanish Harlem. I’ve done decent enough with women over the year..
(In case you were wondering, my pie chart is like 5 percent white, 25 percent black, the rest Spanish, with the breakup being like 50-50 Puerto Ricans and Dominicans, with a Ecuadorian thrown in there. And…I’m 100 percent still looking for an Asian.)
With that being said, here’s why I love Dominican women the most:
Dominican woman cater to you:
I gotta be careful, man, ’cause we live in a society where you have to be politically correct about sh* t, but there is something very nurturing and motherly about Dominican woman.
The first girl I was ever in love with was a Dominican girl. Love is a strong word, actually. It was something, though.
And I showed my affection for her by teasing her, even though she was always mad cool.
We fell out when she started dating this other kid. I was jealousy. So I might have scratched her. And I might have tried to steal her mini Game Boy. And I might have gotten kicked out of Children’s Aid Society because of it (I was like nine, so f*ck off.) However, the lasting memory I’ll always have is when, a couple of months prior, we took a trip to Bear Mountain. My mother’s drunk ass didn’t pack lunch. So my crush split one of those Lunchable things with me, seeing that I didn’t have anything to eat. Sh*t is deep, man. I’m pretty sure I pushed her after, but that’s not the point of the story.)
Dominicans aren’t on some bougie sh*t:
I’m coming from a narrow, big city view here, but the Dominicans I meet care less about brands and material sh*t more than any of the other woman I deal with. I like that, man. They also have the skill to buy a super glam-looking outfit for like $30 bucks and still body everyone else in the room.
The body….my God, that body:
Listen, man, curves are in. I know people get off watching these music videos, featuring these woman with unreal looking bodies, but in the Heights you’ll see woman who belong in Rick Ross videos just roaming the streets like it’s nothing. It’s nuts, B.
They don’t take any shit:
I was gonna tell you my favorite story involving a Dominican girl I was dating…but I think I’m gonna pass. It was nuts, though and it involved a smart remark by me, Spanish words I didn’t understand by her and a pair of scissors. (Insert crying Emojicon here). It stands out because it was my first time really feeling the full wrath of a Dominican woman. It put genuine fear in my heart, and it made me realize that no matter the good they have in their heart, they could easily get turnt up and check yo’ ass…something dudes need sometimes, honestly.
Spanish food is bomb:
That shit is so glutinous and so good. Seriously, my heart aches for you if you’ve never eaten a bowl of that Mofongo shit with some chicken. Ay bendito.