If you haven’t heard already, former presidential candidate and congresswoman Michele Bachmann is blessing us with her retirement.
Well…not exactly. On her website she posted an eight-minute long video (yes…that’s like 10 whole minutes of Michele talking) about her decision not to run for re-election next year. She’s saying goodbye to the House of Representatives, and though she gives somewhat of an explanation in the video, she denies her stepping down has anything to do with that pesky FBI probe about campaign funds.
Mmmm hmmm…
In any case, we decided to send Michele off with a proper goodbye by creating this ode to her crazy, scary eyes…because they are just fun to look at.
Oh…and a few of her most outlandish moments. Because she does it so well.
Thank me later.
Bachmann on gays and Melissa Etheridge repenting…because she is gay:
“Unfortunately she is now suffering from breast cancer, so keep her in your prayers,” she said in November 2004. “This may be an opportunity for her now to be open to some spiritual things, now that she is suffering with that physical disease. She is a lesbian.”
How rude…
Bachmann on porn:
“All forms of pornography should be banned.”
You just pissed a shitload of men off who enjoy their right to the First Amendment.
Bachmann on the HPV vaccination…and all being that she’s pretty anti-vaccine:
There’s a woman who came up crying to me tonight after the debate. She said her daughter was given that vaccine,” Bachmann said on Fox News. “She told me her daughter suffered mental retardation as a result. There are very dangerous consequences.”
I’m sure you have scientific evidence to back this up.
Bachmann on abolishing minimum wage to create more jobs:
“Literally, if we took away the minimum wage—if conceivably it was gone—we could potentially virtually wipe out unemployment completely because we would be able to offer jobs at whatever level.”
Uh…huh?
Bachmann on gays…and slaves.
“It’s a very sad life. It’s part of Satan, I think, to say this is gay. It’s anything but gay. […] Because if you’re involved in the gay and lesbian lifestyle, it’s bondage. Personal bondage, personal despair, and personal enslavement. And that’s why this is so dangerous.”
Who knew being gay also meant you’re a slave?
Bachmann on Obamacare:
“[It] literally kills women, kills children, kills senior citizens.”
Wow! How am I even alive right now?
Bachmann on climate change:
“…all voodoo, nonsense, hokum, a hoax.”
That, my friends, is an actual quote. Forget the extreme weather…Bachmann knows this climate thing is a gimmick…
Bachmann on The Lion King being gay propaganda:
“Very effective way to do this with a bunch of second graders, is take a picture of ‘The Lion King’ for instance, and a teacher might say, ‘Do you know that the music for this movie was written by a gay man?’ The message is: I’m better at what I do, because I’m gay.”
Stop. Please…stop now.
Goodbye Michele Bachmann…thank you for providing us with years of ridiculous and disheartening quotes. We’ll definitely miss that.
But those eyes…we won’t miss those eyes. In fact, try not to have nightmares tonight, guys.
PHOTO SOURCE: Getty
