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Now, call me old-fashioned, but what ever happened to sweet sex? Well, if there was any doubt in your mind that True Blood was full of torture porn, I’d say this just about solidifies it. On the September issue of Rolling Stone, we have Alexander Skarsgard, Anna Paquin, and Stephen Moyer, 100% nude and about 50% bloody. 

And for those of you who were unsure as to the benefits of vampire sex, have no fear, because True Blood creator Alan Ball breaks it down for us:no orifice is spared. 

Stephen Moyer (who plays Bill Compton) elaborated for those of us still confused: 

‘If we go from a base level, vampires create a hole in the neck where there wasn’t one before. It’s a de-virginization — breaking the hymen, creating blood and then drinking the virginal blood. And there’s something sharp, the fang, which is probing and penetrating and moving into it. So that’s pretty sexy. I think that makes vampires attractive.” He laughs a little. “Plus, Robert Pattinson is just hot, right?”

NEXT PAGE to see the tastefully offensive Rolling Stone cover

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And thank you, Mr. Ball, for making sure I throw up my Cosi sandwich:

‘The idea of celibate vampires is ridiculous. To me, vampires are sex. I don’t get a vampire story about abstinence. I’m 53. I don’t care about high school students. I find them irritating and uninformed. On this show, every available orifice is used for intercourse: gay, straight, between humans and supernatural beings, and supernatural being on supernatural being, whether he be werewolf, dog or an enormous Minotaur-looking being called a maenad. None of the sex is quite as good as vampire sex, though, which can happen at the astonishing rhythm of 120 bpm while simultaneously devouring one’s neck and making your eyes roll back into your head.’

NEXT PAGE Season 3 Trailer

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