King Of Paper Chasin’ opens in theaters today and a day I often envisioned is finally here. The number one question is how do I feel? Seemingly an easy enough question, but for some reason I’m finding it difficult to answer. The truth is I am experiencing a roller coaster of emotions. There are times I feel excited because this is a special moment not only for me but everyone that helped make this happen so I’m happy about that and happy for them. Then I feel sadness when I remember that today marks one year to the date we premiered King Of Paper Chasin’ in Atlanta.
Though the evening was successful, it was also the last day I spoke to my younger sister who unexpectedly passed away along with her unborn child 3 days later. Things haven’t been the same since. I cant begin to explain how extremely difficult its been to watch my mother try to show her happiness for me while hiding the deep pain she is going through. She’s cried everyday since and it hurts to know there is nothing I can do to make it better. My heart is heavy so I’m going to back off of that now because just thinking about it has me tearing up.
Finally, I feel anger. Like they say you cant have the good without the bad and
I’m no exception to the rule. I feel angry that my sister is not here to enjoy the day she worked so hard to make happen. I’m angry that my best friend who I’m more inclined to call my brother is in a wheelchair because of the stupid things we did as teenagers. I’m angry that its easier for us to hate than love, reject than support, and to be ignorant instead of inspirational. I’m no different I am also guilty of this, but I’m growing as a person and trying to correct my flaws.
I’m also angry with black media. I cant count the times I’ve turned on the radio and hear ‘I’m not the father’ or some other negative depiction of our culture and race. Then in the very next breath, offer a half hearted contrived message. We need to display and support more positive messages and role models in our community. But when something positive comes along that can be showcased as an example, it doesn’t see the light of day.
Question, when was the last time a black filmmaker without a major studio or financial investor co-wrote, starred in, produced, and distributed a feature film? Call me naive but I think its something the youth and even some adults could use as positive motivation and draw inspiration from.
With that being said I especially would like to thank and compliment Global Grind for going against the norm and giving me a platform and a voice to express my thoughts…
So to answer the question ‘how do you feel?” I feel like… the show must go on. King Of Paper Chasin’ is in theaters today please support urban indie films.