Let’s get this out of the way: rape is a horrible, horrible crime committed against a person. It’s a war crime in our community, it’s a tactic that’s been used since the dawn of humanity to control and eradicate tribes in times of war, it’s a tool for shame, and it’s a tool to enforce power.
Rape is not about sex.
That said: Is rape also used to assuage guilt when someone is busted for cheating? Is rape an escape clause? The answer is yes, sometimes it is.
Like everyone else in the NYC area, I was shocked when I learned that Greg Kelly, son of police commissioner Kelly and host of a FOX news morning program, was accused of rape. Days prior to this news, I listened to a story a friend told about a visitor from the UK who was accused, arrested and charged with rape in a NYC nightclub two weeks ago.
The friend received oral sex from a young lady in a bathroom but when the young lady’s boyfriend saw her talking to the dude, the boyfriend became suspicious. Questioned about their association, the lady said she was raped.
I thought of this case when I heard about Kelly’s. Actually I thought, “this lady probably was disappointed that she was a one night stand and was hurt when she realized Kelly had no interest in her beyond their tryst in her law office.” Throw in a boyfriend situation and we have a rape case.
It’s reductionist and simplistic, but it’s likely that’s what happened. Whatever the case may be, no one rebounds after being accused of rape. When Kelly gets back to work, all people will think about when they see him on TV is that he was accused of rape. The woman will get back to living life anonymously.
When Dominique Strauss-Kahn, the former head of the International Monetary Fund, was accused of rape last year, it made worldwide news. His accuser, a hotel maid who was basically a hustler, cried rape after having consensual sex. I think this lady, with dollar signs in her eyes, thought she saw a sucker after she realized who this white man was; and wanted to cash in by calling consensual sex rape. The proof is in the tapes she’s on describing her encounter to a “friend” in jail.
I’ve read accounts of soldiers being tried for rape because the woman didn’t want to be late for work, police arrests, and less. One Hofstra University student invited five men to have sex with her. She accused them of rape because she didn’t want to be labeled as a tramp by her boyfriend.
Why? Why are women accusing men of rape when, in some cases, it’s not? I think it’s an issue of defense, power and fear of being labeled.
As marginalized members of society, I think some women, who after being used for sex by men, or willingly let themselves be used for sex but then feel shame, figure out that crying rape is the only way to empower themselves out of emotionally charged situations, situations that some of them have willingly agreed to participate in.
Situations like cheating. If you are cheating on your boyfriend, husband, whatever, you shouldn’t be with that person in the first place. These cheaters would rather destroy someone’s life than admit that they f*cked someone other than their man whom they don’t love. How crazy is that? Stir crazy.
And guess what? These false accusers will not be prosecuted.