A few years ago I decided to write emails to my girlfriends as opposed to handwritten letters…my circle of friends was getting too large and letter writing, Alexis Houston-style, is time consuming!
I rediscovered one of these…web logs….blogs and decided to share it with you…
Now to put things in full perspective let me start by saying that before we discovered ‘Sex and the City’ my group of international, single girlfriends were the Carries, Charlottes, Mirandas and Samanthas of non-fiction.
Although we too lived in various major cities around the globe, in our reality the names could easily be shifted among any of the group members at any given time. Suffice it to say: I was the writer with major commitment issues who believed that the more shoes and the higher the heels the ‘nearer to G-d’.(somethings never change LOL!)
I was single working as a songwriter/music producer in Toronto. Feeling homesick and lonely so I pulled out my ‘pink book’ and started looking for someone to call…okay!…a guy. I came across a name of an old boyfriend, ‘Mr. NY/NJ’, who for whatever reason didn’t last beyond a complete moon cycle. Yet for some reason I felt drawn to call him, and call him I did.
Now, in my own head I began to wonder; ‘Why I am doing this? Am I this desperate for a date or am I just a little wiser and perhaps better able to handle relationships than I was at 18?’ Being ‘au courant’ I was ‘going green’ and attempting to recycle.
Under deeper introspection I wondered if, like so many others, I was afraid to step out into the dating world again and chose to ruminate with the ‘failures’ I knew and not risk the possibility of uncovering new ones. Dating is scary…for anyone who has failed at a relationship and I guess I was scared…in denial at the time, but scared all the same.