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So this happened.

Police have accused a man of committing “an indecent act” in a Toronto library after he was caught masturbating while holding a cucumber in his spare hand.

We can’t make this stuff up.

From The Mirror:

Frederick Tennyson Davis, 49, was charged with committing an indecent act and two counts of failing to comply with probation in connection to a “suspicious incident” at the Agincourt Library on Bonis Avenue, Toronto.

A court heard that Davis approached a 26-year-old woman who was studying in the library, sat net to her and opened up his laptop.

He then began to masturbate with one hand, while holding the cucumber in the other.

“He was not using the cucumber [to masturbate] as far as I’m aware.” said Constable David Hopkinson. “It was held in his other hand.”

On that occasion, Hopkins was able to evade capture – but was finally caught when he tried to do the same thing on Saturday, May 31st and library staff recognized him. Unbelievably, police confirmed in court that Davis had been charged with mischief and an indecent act for a similar act – in a different library – in June 2012.

So clearly, this is his thing. In fact, police believe he may have harassed more victims over time. But not that particular day.

When asked if Davis appeared threatening to library staff, Hopkinson said: “I don’t think he had any free hands to make a threat.”

Please, spare us the puns that come with this phallic vegetable and Davis’ self pleasure. We get it.

SOURCE: Mirror | PHOTO CREDIT: Getty

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